Baby Blues

With my first pregnancy, I read all about post-partum depression and told myself, that won't happen to me...  well I don't care if you are the happiest person alive, and thought, like I did, that stuff can't touch me, it will happen.  Baby blues will happen to every mother and father. It can hit a mom at two days post-partum or two years post-partuma

It will happen to a stay-at-home mom, a part time working mom, and a full time working mom. It will happen with your first child, my second child, and that mom's seventh child. And anyone who says different is lying or is in denial;).

Baby blues mean something different to every person. It can effect different mom's in many different forms. With my first baby, I felt alone. I was young and none of my friends had babies. I felt like I had to do everything right so I put extra stress and pressure on myself.

With my second baby, I got frustrated with the fact that I lost the body that I once had. The farther I get from "before babies" the more I miss the "old" me and my depression has been more about how much less of myself I feel like I am now. I have that much less time for myself because I am chasing after two now! My hormones were really crazy right after giving birth with my first baby. With my second boy, my hormones went crazy after he weaned from nursing. Every mom is different, every pregnancy is different, every baby is different, and this is the truth!

I see it in the dark circles and the wrinkles in every mom's face that she so desperately tries to hide.

Some women need to have medical help, psychological help, some women find ways to combat their depression through personal ways, social ways. Sometimes these ways cause them to find other addictions: alcoholism, exercise addiction, eating disorders, emotional denial. And sometimes women successfully find things that help them deal with their level of depression in healthy ways.

I am not claiming to be one of those people, at times, I have wandered down the road of temptation towards many of those things, including worse depression, however, I have found a few things that have helped me along the way:

- The drop off. Write on a piece of paper what you think is the heart of your depressions. My list goes something like this: loneliness, feeling inadequate, fear of failure, shattering perfection, ruining my kids' future, ruining my own future career, loss of hair, weight gain, scars, temporary loss of intimacy with my husband, fear of inadequacy, loss of the body I once knew, loss of a social life I once enjoyed, financial stress. This is just the big things, my list could go on and on, but I write all of these things down and I hand them to God. I literally give them to Him(or the top of my dresser where they can't be reached), but I physically do it. And then I start to try to do things to help heal the broken pieces that I feel like are my life by:

- Never getting on or looking at a scale until six months after baby is born. Ladies, I beg of you, do not torture yourself after giving birth. You will be tortured enough by pain and lack of sleep, but don't do it, just don't!

- Don't look in a mirror until four weeks after giving birth. Again, don't torture yourself, don't evaluate yourself. I tried to take pictures and post them to friends, trying to say "hey friends, I may have had a baby but I'm still your twenty-something cool friend," trust me I look back at those pictures and cringe, all I see now are the dark circles from lack of sleep and a fake smile.

- Don't invite someone over to see the baby for the first four to six weeks and more if your baby has colic, unless you and they can handle seeing you in your pajama pants and nursing shirt, because chances are, you will still be living in those clothes. If someone isn't comfortable seeing you nurse, don't invite them over until your baby is eating solids, you think I'm joking, I'm not!;)

- Don't try to be super mom. Ask for help, allow others to hold your baby so you can nap, invite friends to bring you meals (as long as they don't have to come in if you are still uncomfortable). This goes for when they are three months old or three years old. It is ok to ask for help and to not be able to do it all!

- Me Time Especially after #2 I had to tell my husband I needed some time for myself (and yes you will have to ask, even the most wonderful husbands don't understand the concept because they have never had a baby strapped to their chest every half hour or been through labor). Get away from baby and kids once in a while, you need some time to be who you are without them. I joined a church committee and I have a half hour drive to the meetings and I relish that time I have alone to call a girlfriend or blast any tunes is want! After the second baby came, after about nine months, I asked for a gym membership and I go exercise at least once a week just to get away and have some time for myself.

- Your Not Alone! I started reading parenting blogs and journaling and it has been so therapeutic for me. I found a play group, I talked to a neighbor who is a mother of four. I ask mom's at church random questions. I post pictures and share something funny the kids did that day. It is my community of people, and it helps me know that I am not alone! There are millions out there like me, there are thousands of great resources at my fingertips, going through all of ups and downs and insanity I and dealing with. I share a weekly phone call with another SAHM and it's basically a venting time. We allow each other to complain and curse and yell and it is OK! You are not alone. Reach out to another mom, or read a blog or write in a journal, have lunch with another working mom, or join a group. Find a way so that you don't feel like you are on an island. Don't let yourself wallow in the sands of loneliness, do something that helps you to feel less alone, dig out and reach for something that connects you.

- Create a home environment that lends itself to play. Many mom's feel depressed because their house is closing in on them and the kids are bored and no one is happy. Allow your dining room to have buckets of crayons and water colors in it. Let your living room scream kids with the book baskets and toy tubs. Who spends more time in there, your kids or your snooty neighbor? Does it really matter what she thinks anyway? The more comfortable your kids are at home, the more happy you all will be. Organize your toys to they lend themselves to play, involve your kids in the process of organizing so they can feel like they know where things are and will be more exited to play.

- Its ok to cry. Its ok to miss the old you before kids. Its ok to feel lonely. Its ok to stay in your pajamas all 24 hours of a day. Its ok to have an "off day" and not be on your "A" game with your kids. Ask for forgiveness and try again the next day. Forgive yourself if you feel like you fail your family. Its ok, no parent is perfect. It's ok, but if any of these things become habit, ask for help. Its ok to ask for help.

Baby blues happen to every mom, and can hit you at day 2 or day 2,498. Its OK! Just know yourself and know when it is time to ask for help when you need it!

Baby Must-Haves

Once again, I'm not an expert...  however I do like when other mom's tell me what products they like and what worked for them. 

So here are a few things that I think are must-haves when I have a baby. I also don't don't like to spend a lot of money on baby stuff; hand-me-downs and garage sales are the way to go on most baby items, however I do feel there are some things worth the extra dollar or two.

Here are my baby must-haves

- Aveeno skin products.  I have two very busy boys and neither one has had any skin issues (except for an awful allergic reaction, but that story is for a blog for another day) and I think much of it is due to the Aveeno skin products that I use with the boys.  They do cost a little more then the generic brands but I think it is worth it and I try to find coupons for them whenever possible.  I LOVE and stand by the Aveeno diaper rash cream.  It is very thick so it stays on your baby's skin and it really seems to calm down the rash on contact. It also prevents diaper rash for long durations because it stays on the skin and continues to protect it after many diaper changes.  I lather their bottom with it everytime they poop and I have never had an issue with diaper rash, even when my babies were/are teething and then pooping every twenty minutes!  I also am a huge fan of their lotion.  I use their daily lotion myself and on my preschooler after every bath and he has never had patches of dry skin.  It has no fragrance so my four year old doesn't mind it, he even tells me if I missed an "itchy" spot:).  When my boys were little babies, I used the Aveeno baby lotions which I just love.  They are creamy but not too thick. They coat the skin but are not too oily.  I also like the way their baby shampoo smells but that is not a "must-have" it is just something I "like" to have:)  I promise I am not representing Aveeno, this is just one mom expressing her opinion of what worked for her.

- Cloth diapers for burp clothes.
There are different cutesie burp clothes out there, but I found the most absorbent burp clothes are the simple, old-school cloth diapers.  And if your kids are anything like mine, you will need absorbent burp clothes with the amount of spitting up that will take place!

- Pampers diapers.  I have my sister to thank for this one, she told me before I had my own kids, that Pampers was the way to go and I am glad I took her advice! I have babysat, nannied, and been day care credit giver for 16 years now and by far my favorite disposable diaper is the Pamper diaper.  It is well made, soft to their skin, and keeps most everything inside the diaper.  I know it is just a silly piece of padding that gets thrown in the trash, but when you are out and about and your baby is teething and just started table foods, you will glad to have a diaper that keeps it all in and doesn't ruin your baby's skin if you can't change him the very second he poops.  Your sitter will thank you too!  Some mom's may argue with me, but I have no complaints about Pampers other then their price:)  But as my husband says "it's the high price we pay to keep our kids' butts clean. 

- Multiple changing stations.  This is not something you really buy, it is just something I suggest to all new mom's.  Have multiple changing stations, especially in the rooms where you spend most of your time.  When you just come home from the hospital with baby, you are tired to the bone, you may have multiple other children needing your attention, and your body hurts everytime you move. It is best not to have to go very far to change baby.  Especially because newborns are constantly pooping!  When my boys were newborns and still sleeping in a bassinet in our bedroom, I would keep a changing station on the bedside table.  I also keep a little basket in the living room, even now that my you.gets is almost one, with a changing pad, diapers, wipes, and Aveeno diaper rash cream in it.  This way, a diaper change is at my finger tips. With multiple children running around this is a must-have! 

- When I asked my husband what he thinks a baby must-have is, he said three things that I totally agree with:  a cloth hat, a pacifier, and a swaddling blanket.  All three are extremely important but are pretty self-explanatory and on every baby list so I'm not going to go into details about them, but are good things to keep in mind for sure! So I will add one more of my own.  The last must-have for baby that is needed even at the hospital before you go home is: baby-sized nail clippers.  I love the first pair I got, a simple, cheap pair with a little magnifying glass attached to the end of it.  Anyone that knows me, knows I'm a little OCD about cutting my sons' nails.  I just figure, if I can do anything to help keep them from scratching themselves, I'm going to do it, and as often as needed!

I posted this and them I realized I forgot one of my top favs!

- A white noise maker is a must-have for me!  We have a small, older house and so we all hear each other in the house.  We also have a protective dog who barks when anyone comes up to the house.  So when the boys nap, they each have something in their rooms that makes white noise so that they don't hear every noise in the house. My oldest son has an air purifier in his room that makes white noise.  We actually bought my second son a white noise maker and it is nice because when we go places and he has to nap in the pack'n'play, we turn it on and he knows that it is naptime and it drowns out any extra noises.  A white noise maker, is a must-have on my baby list!

Once again, this is a short list of things that I like, not necessarily what every other mother might like or agree with, it is just one mom's small opinion.  Take what you will from it...

Sleeping Habits

Every parent knows the importance of a solid night's sleep as well as the amazing feeling of "alone time" during naptime. 

I am no sleep expert, nor do I claim to have all of the answers.  I have simply read up on a few sleeping methods, listened to the advice of many great mom's and tried to put into place what I liked best about them all.  I have learned that every family has their own sleep routines and ways of teaching their children how to sleep.  I respect every parents' sleep methods.  These are just a few ideas if you are looking for ideas. Here are a few sleeping tips for infants to preschoolers:

Infants:
- Swaddle until they break out of the swaddle consistently. My first baby loved the swaddle and was in one until four months. My second baby only liked it for about two months, he was very active when he slept. But both enjoyed being swaddled for a while.
- Lay baby down before he/she is asleep to begin self-soothing at about 4 months. This just gets baby in the habit of self-soothing started so he/she is comfortable with it early.  
- I was nervous about SIDS so both boys slept in our bedroom in a bassinet until they were 4/5 months old, then they went into their own bedroom in a crib. - When trying to switch the boys' night's and days, I tried to nurse and change them in the dim light and put them back to bed right after feeding or changing them even if they were chatty.  My first baby made the switch within the first week or two.  Baby number 2 took more like a three to four long weeks!
- Cut out the right-before-bedtime nursing or bottle feeding at about 6 months.  Replace it with a cereal before bed snack.  I found that this transition helped my babies to not rely on this feeding to put them to sleep and the cereal often sustained them longer and they didn't wake up as soon to nurse.
- Allow baby to use a pacifier/blanket/transitional object to help him/her soothe to sleep. Sometimes these objects change, but having something familiar and consistent is often very comforting for them especially when traveling or at the sitter.
- The middle of the night weaning.  This is a tough one.  I really don't have a good answer for this one.  My husband would go in with D when we were weaning him from the middle of the night feeding and D had to cry it out for a few nights. With L I waited until 9 months and then he kind of weaned himself off, he just started sleeping through the night but it wasnt until about ten months. My best advice is stay consistent and givevyourself time and flexibility. Also, don't go in and spend lots of time with baby in the middle of the night. Feed baby and lay them right back down or when trying to wean, one hug for baby and lay baby back down, don't stress and soon enough baby will begin to sleep through the night.
- This is a tough one if you like to cuddle, but I try not to rock my babies to sleep unless they are sick or very overly tired.  Our bedtime routine consists of a little cuddle hug, a quiet prayer in his ear, a kiss and then I lay him down awake and he puts himself to sleep.  If he cries for more then five minutes after I leave, I go in, pick him up give him a quick hug and put him right back down.  Some nights he goes down without a fight, and other nights I have to go in two or three times.

My philosophy is this when it comes to bedtime: Your baby needs to be used to a routine that involves things that can always be the same.  You/your boobs can't always be there (someday you will need a date night, or your favorite band will be playing at a bar near by, or you will have to work late) and you don't want your babysitter or husband left, trying to put to sleep a baby who only wants you/or your boobs.  When you are trying to wean your baby off the bottle, you don't want them to rely on a bottle to go to sleep.  I have used a pacifier with my babies.  Some breastfeeding moms don't believe in using them, but I do feel it helps them self-soothe when they are young and are an ok transitional object when they get older.  I take it away after I wean them somewhere around 15 months (at least that is the plan:).

- Naptime schedules I try to keep naps as consistent as possible starting at about 5\6 months old (but again every baby is different): first nap about two/two and a half hours after he/she wakes up for the day and second nap about two and a half to three and half hours after they wake up from their first nap.  -I use a similar sleep routine at nighttime, keeping it simple. I also use a white noise maker and now, as soon as my 11 month old hears it, he lays his head on my shoulder, he just knows it is time, it is like his indicator.  Naptimes have to be flexible, I completely understand that, especially with the second child; he has to get used to a nap in the car or one long nap on Sundays when he is at church during morning nap.  I just try to keep things as consistent as possible, whenever possible.  When we are on the go, he learns to be flexible and we all get creative: )

Toddler/preschool sleeping:
- My husband and I have never been co-sleepers with our children, we are two tall, bigger people and there is just no room left in our queen bed for another body; plus my husband sleeps so soundly that I'm always afraid he would roll over on the baby and never know it.  I can count on two hands how many times we have had our kids in bed with us.  For obvious things such as sickness, nightmares, night frights, and storms our children have tried to sleep with us, but most of the time there wasn't much sleeping going on, just bodies piled up:) With my second baby, I did bring him into bed to nurse him laying down because he was very easy to get to latch and I was exhausted running after two, but when he was done, back to his bassinet he went. So there are times when the boys co-slept, but really, the lack of space and comfort for all of us kept it to a minimum. Both boys really enjoy their own space and their own beds.  Kids are creatures of habit and since we have never made a habit of them joining us in bed or us sleeping with them in their bed, they don't rely on it now.  As a toddler, once D could get out of his toddler bed, we had to teach boundaries.  After he learned that he could get out of bed (around potty training age when we let him get out of bed to go to the bathroom), we got in the habit right away of putting him right back in bed.  He would get up and back we would go to his room, tuck him in and leave.  He is almost five and the routine has not changed, his excuses for getting out of bed have changed and gotten more creative ("my toe is itchy" is a favorite), but we don't entertain him; put some lotion on his foot and back he goes to bed.  We started when he was a baby and it is what we do with L now.  If he cries out for a good five minutes, we go in, give him a quick hug and back he goes back into his crib.  The routine started and the habit is now formed. 
- There are different thought processes about toddler/preschool napping. As with transitioning from one to two naps, I think every child is different and has his/her own needs.  The job of us parents is to listen to those needs and try our best to figure out what is best. My almost five year old still naps a couple of days a week.  Depending on our schedule for the day, what time he got up for the day, and when he went to sleep the night before plays a big role in if he naps or not.  -I am a firm believer in what we call "alone quiet time" this is time D has by himself in his bedroom. He has this time for at least an hour if he can't go to sleep at naptime or if we deem him aloud to not nap (such as he didn't wake him until 8:30 and we need him to go to bed early that night).  Sometimes he naps too long and then is up too late, so it is a difficult transition to figure out and again every kid is different.  We try to listen to his body language and make our best judgement call.  I think kids do better when they have a break in the day to unwind and reset.  We do not allow quiet time to involve screen (i.e. tv, computer, handheld games) except for special occasions (i.e.the Indian's or Buckeyes have big game on during quiet) and then he rests on the couch but that is reserved for the most special occasions. Every other day his quiet alone time consists of reading books or playing quietly in his bedroom for at least an hour and he usually really enjoys it and we get some time without him bugging us ever two minutes:).

I do not claim to have all of the answers and every kid is different, I do however find that both my boys love to sleep in their beds and my husband and I seem to have a system that fits our family. My best advice is find a system that works for your family and listen to other parents when you run into problems, chances are they are having similar issues and can give you great ideas!

Space? What space?

When you live in a small house with small children, you become very creative with how you use your space. 

Some stay at home moms tend to be on the go most of their days, finding places to go and things to do.  Because I watch children out of my home, we have to spend much of our time in our house (plus I am kind of a home body during the fall and winter seasons when we are on go most of our evenings).  I am also a big believer in naps, so when we can have naps on schedule in their own beds, I like to stay home during naptimes.  Now come baseball season and summertime, and we will be on the go much more and some naps will have to be spent in car seats :)  Sometimes I hear moms say "I have to get out of the house, there is just no space!"  Because of my situation, I have to "deal" with the space that I have and get creative so the boys have space to play and I don't go CRAZY in my own home, especially during the winter in NE Ohio!

Here are a few things I try to do to keep myself sane:

1.  Everything has a home. 
I have a small three bedroom home with a small living room and dining room as our only "living space". I have two boys of my own and watch two other boys on a regular basis as well as a few others. 
Every toy, diaper, paper, snack, dish, has a place.  If the chaos is at least organized then I can breath a little. 
Keep the organization simple and allow yourself and your kids flexibility to change things as needed.  When the two younger boys became mobile, much of our organization of things had to change; small, swallowable toys had to be moved up higher. 
If the kids know where things go, they feel like they have more control of their space and they can be more efficient helpers when singing the clean up song.  My house is rarely clean, but most things do have a "place". 
The three year old that I watch gets frustrated when I do a little "reorganizing" over the weekend because I changed something's "place"; he likes knowing where everything goes:)
Allow your organization to have toys accessible to kids.  i know that people make fun of my house because it really is a "child friendly" home.  I have a child sized table in the living room, book baskets and toy tubs are under every end table.  My living room does not belong in a magazine, but with our lack of extra space, my kids need to be comfortable playing in the "living room".  In order for me to be able to clean up after dinner, my one year old can be distracted by a music table in the dining room and my four year old son can get out his box of crayons kept on the corner table in the same room.  Kids are like loyal dogs, they want to stay close to you and if you don't have toys accessible for them to be distracted by, you won't get anything done because they will rely on you to entertain them.  I'm not suggesting we create a circus in our homes, I'm just suggesting we can make our homes more prone to play with the way we use our space.

2.  Rooms have to have multiple purposes. 
When you have a small home, there is no such thing as a "playroom" or a "dining room" most of the time the two are one of the same. Even if you do have multiple living spaces and a bigger home,  you may find the rooms starting to blend together as your kids like to spend time in the same room that you do (until they are teens and want nothing go do with you). 
Allow it to be OK for your dining room table to be a desk, a train table, a snack table, a painting table, a sensory table, an experiment table, a playdough table, and anything else you can think of or your kids think up. I also use it as a space for the older boys to put toys that they don't want the little boys to get into.  And I  allow them to play with toys too small for the little boys on the dining room table because the little boys can't reach it "yet".
But when it is dinner time, everything goes back to its "place" and the table goes back to being a dining room table. 
There are times that I wish my living room didn't double as a play room, but then I remember there will be lots if years when my kids will be gone and my living room can go back to being a living room without the baskets of kids books and tubs of toys.  When my kidless friends come over, I just pray they understand why the ball basket and train bin are part of my living room decor.  My kitchen doubles as a hockey rink, bedroom doubles as a nap room for the kids I watch, and my own kids' rooms double as locker rooms, wrestling rooms, libraries, train rooms, and most importantly a quiet place to call their own.
I allow these transformations to take place throughout the day as long as when the day is coming to a close, that my dining room table can actually be seen, and my husband and I can put our feet up and relax in the living room without tripping over toys, hence "everything has a place."

3.  Try to create some sort of outside-inside space.
In both of our homes, I have been blessed with a patio room in the first house and now an enclosed porch in this house.  My mother taught me to use these spaces to their fullest potential.  Even when it is cold and rainy, on go the boys' coats and hats and they play basketball or rescue heroes on the porch.  They get some fresh air while still staying within ear shot of me in the house with the little guys and they are out of the weather elements under the cover of the porch.  I also have the sand table and play kitchen on the porch so that the kids have a place to have their pretend and sensory play. The kids, even the little ones beg to go out and play on the porch even mid-winter; it gives them another space to go and do something new.
Again, my kidless friends and strangers have to deal being welcomed into my home through a room that screams preschool more then home, but it works for me and my everyday life with my kids and that's what I have to make a priority right now, not how it "looks" to others. 

4. Change It Up.
I usually go through phases: the spring cleaning phase, the it's getting cold out phase, the making room for Christmas decorations phase, the making room for Christmas presents and birthday presents phases, the my kid's at a new stage phase, and many more.  Each phase sends me into a reorganizing frenzy, changing, shifting, moving toys around; simply trying to make my space more useful for our needs at the moment.  It is just like going through clothes with every new size my son goes through, the ones that don't fit go in a box in the attic and the ones that do, go into a space in his bedroom. I find a space for the toys that are most useful for the stage the kids are in and pack up the ones that are just "taking up space". It is how I stay sane and keeps things fresh and interesting for the kids. Sometimes they reconnect with a toy long forgotten or find a new way to play with a toy reorganized into a new bin.  As I write this, I look around and realize we could use a reorganization soon to mix things up:).

5.  Your House is a Home for Your Family.
Everyone has their own type of home and household.  Some have lots of space and some have a little space. What is important is the love that is created in that space.  If your children feel loved, they really won't notice the space in which they grow up.

A Song of Which to Hum if You are a Parent of Child(ren)

Up the stairs and down the stairs, down the stairs, down the Stairs.

Up the stairs and down the stairs chasing a toddler and a dog...

Tell me now when is nap time, when is nap time, when is nap time?

Tell me now when is nap time, I really cannot wait!!!

Make them lunch and wipe their butts, wipe their butts, wipe their butts.

Make them lunch and wipe their butts, while reading Dr. Seuss...

Read and write and do your math, do your math, do your math.

Read and write and do your math so genius you will be...

This is the way my work day goes, work day goes, work day goes.

This is the way my work day goes,
Starting early every morning...

Where's my head and will I ever get it back, will I ever get it back, will I ever get it back?

Where's my head and will I ever get it back I HOPE to use it one day.

An Awful Cook's Recipe to Feeding Her Kids

I need to first admit something: I am the world's worst cook. I am decent at baking, but I am in every sense the worst cook in our home. I have a few dishes that come out decent, but 90% of the time, my family would much rather have my husband cook or order out then have me cook.  Our family also has a strange schedule that makes it tough to sit down for a big family dinner every evening. Certain activities and job schedules makes dinner time inconsistent.  We probably sit down to eat more lunches together then dinners.  That being said, the kids still have to eat and I try to keep it healthy, even if it's not very creative or gourmet.  Here are a few tips I have used to feed my young kids, without being talented in the kitchen:

- Add a few beans.  Beans are really healthy, add lots of lean protein, and are easy for early feeders to eat.  Anyone can cook up beans, they are simple and easy to add to any meal.

- Always have fresh fruits and veggies cut up, washed and ready for consumption.  My older son is a very picky eater but he's pretty good about eating fruits and vegetables.  Having them easy and available makes everyone snack a little healthier and starts good eating habits.

- Bread and Cereal. You can add a whole grain piece of bread or noodles to any meal to help your child(ren) get the whole grains they need.  Same goes for cereal.  My son almost always has a bowl of healthy cereal before bed every night.  I know he is getting some of those extra whole grains and nutrients that I might have missed at meals.

- Nuts and dried fruit make for healthy, protein filled snacks.  Again, my oldest, the picky eater, is not a big meat eater so to try to get him the protein he needs, I give him dried fruit and nuts or some sort of trailmix. I know he's getting some extra protein and he thinks it's a cool snack.

- Chicken, chicken.  It is sometimes difficult to know what to feed those early eaters. Before they can eat peanut butter and deli meat, what do you give them for lunch every day?  Both my son's were not big baby food eaters and wanted nothing to do with baby food once they had started eating table food, so with both boys, I made chicken breasts and shredded the meat when they first learning to eat, and then cutting up chunks when they are more advanced eaters.  I bake a few chicken breasts a week, cut them up into small chunks and keep them in the fridge for daily reheating at lunch time.  Both my boys are good chicken eaters, and chicken has been a staple for them since they could eat their first table food.  Throw in some beans, veggies, whole grain, and fruit and you have a great meal for lunch or dinner; even if you don't have time or can't cook something gourmet for the entire family.

- Steam fresh veggies save my life!  The steam fresh packs of veggies are how I do most of my cooked veggies, they are easy and quick, and blonde-proof, I can't mess them up:)

A couple of notes from what I've learned from feeding my kids:

- My kids eat more at lunch then any other meal.  The mid day break during the most active part of their day usually makes them hungry, so I try to get in a good chunk of their fruits, veggies, dairy, protein and whole grains in at lunch time when they are a little more hungry.

- Pick your food battles.  We have had to decide many times with our oldest son, do we make this a food battle or not.  He has to take a "no thank you bite" and try everything, but if he doesn't like it, we don't make him eat it.  He does have to eat enough of something and it has to be good for him. 

- Find recipes and dishes that work for you from family and friends.  My mom has an awesome recipe for protein-packed pancakes that I use all of the time.  Most of the dishes I do ok, I have been shown by other people or it is something I have tried a couple times and gotten comfortable making.

- Stop feeling guilty!  I find myself comparing myself to other moms who are awesome cooks and feeling extremely guilty about my lack of good home cooked meals for my family.  But then I remember I have my other strengths as a parent and it's OK! It is ok if you don't have a gourmet meal cooked for every dinner and your kids will get through their picky stage.  Find what works for your family, even if it is sitting down to lunch together instead of dinner.  Find what works for YOUR family and don't unfairly judge yourself or allow others to judge you!

Have fun with food and let your kids join in the fun!

The Tight Rope Walk of Exposure Parenting

I think most parents would agree that there is a fine line between exposing your child to something in healthy amounts and overexposing them?  It is a tight line to walk as parents in this day in age when kids get exposed so easily and often because of social media and the world in which we live today.  I think this too can pertain to positive things in your life.  In this day, parents are convinced that their child(ren) need to be exposed to everything  and then they need to be geniuses at all of them. 

How do we parent with these pressures? How do we keep our children innocent as long as we can while at the same time educate them of the dangers of this world? How do we help them create their own filter and help them build personal integrity? How do we help them learn to be empathetic creatures while also help them to build a healthy sense of self worth without getting egotistical?  These are questions I am in constant struggle with as a parent of an almost five year old who is understanding more and becoming more and more aware of what is going on around him.  He is starting to notice things that I always worried about him noticing when he was in my womb and I would cover my belly with my hands. 

How do we muddle through and make sense of it?  How do we wage the positives verse negatives of exposing our kids to certain things?

First, I try to go to the Bible where  I can find the guidance I need to help with those decisions.   We also, often pray about protecting our kids from things we don't have control over.  Prayer and searching for answers from our Lord and Savior is where we go first. 

After that first step, it is a decision based on experience a lot of times.  What we have experienced as kids, teens, adults, teachers, coaches, aunts, uncles, care givers, plays a role into how we respond to certain situations.  We also have to think about what our kids are going to be around and what they are going to face in their surroundings and environment.  Growing up, I did not see someone drink a beer in front of me until high school. My husband was around it all of his life.  Neither one of us turned into alcoholics or abused alcohol early in our young adult lives.  My son loves sports, he wants to watch sports all of the time, but with sports comes commercials containing violence and sex and alcohol.  How do we deal with his exposure to these commercials when they are out of our control? Often we try to shield or hide these commercials from him, but  how do we talk to him when he does get exposed to them?

How do you deal with issues of exposure to alcohol, sex, violence, bad words, etc that are all over in our world and their environments? 

I have seen kids pulled from ballet, to band, to cross country and the back to jazz dance class. Pulled in so many directions that their school work is hurting because they are exhausted and too busy for homework.

How do we make sure we expose our kids to enough different things so they are well rounded and have options from which to choose to find what they enjoy and are talented, while  still allowing them time to be children and have play time with their friends and family time at home? 

I have seen kids as young as two dragged kicking and screaming to soccer practice.  I have seen teens burned out because they have been pressured to perfection on the piano and practice is painful to them. 

How do we make sure we expose them to hard work and perseverance without overexposure them and pushing them to hate it or you?

I really don't have the answer to these questions.  I think every parent has to figure out what works for his/her child(ren).  I think decisions have to be made based on every child individually, depending on their personality and tendencies. 

But I do think these are questions we need to consistently ask our selves as parents and as a society.  How are WE influencing children by the decisions we make as to what we expose our children to and how much we expose them to it?  And how can we prepare them to be adults that make decisions about their own exposure to things that might temp them to do good or bad things?  It is a difficult path we must walk as parents!

Imagine This

D is obsessed with baseball. It started when he was two years old and we took him to his first Major League and Minor League baseball games that summer.  He started playing baseball nonstop after those games. In the house, outside, in his bed, anywhere, he had a ball and a bat and he was begging someone to play baseball with him; begging someone to pitch to him or throw him grounders or pop ups.  My husband and I kept saying" it's just a phase" well D will be turning five this summer and his obsession has not faded.  He is still constantly playing baseball, talking about baseball, obsessing about baseball.  Now he is obsessed with certain MLB players and collecting cards, autographs, etc. The kid is baseball crazy. Instead of vacation this summer, we got a set of Indian's tickets to go to games, because that is what we like to do as a family, go to baseball games, minor league baseball games, major league baseball games, college baseball games, high school baseball gamed, middle school baseball games, whatever it is, we are watching some sort of baseball from April to October. (And even December to March, we watch an Indian's game that is forever saved on our DVR. Yes he watches it over and over and even though he knows the outcome of every play, he watches and cheers like it's his first time watching). His little brother is one year's old and his first word was "ba" (ball), the poor kid had no choice!

With 65 days until opening day at Progressive Field, we already had a poster made (it also happens to be his favorite player's birthday, yes he likes to do research on his favorite player, I swear it was his idea to research his birthday!). And even though it is five months until his fifth birthday, he has already found a minor league team that plays a game on his birthday because that's what he wants to do for his birthday, of course, go to a baseball game.  What did he beg for his fourth birthday? A catcher's mask and helmet. What topped his Santa list the last two Christmas's?  Indians tickets & baseball cards.  What does he want this year for his birthday, we were informed the other day? A BATTING CAGE for our back yard. ( We told him to keep dreaming about that one:). And did I mention D rocks Indian's baseball undies? I think that confirms the diagnosis: baseball obsessed.

At around age three and a half, it was winter time and D was having a difficult time saying good bye to baseball season.  He still wanted to play constantly and was frustrated that the weather wouldn't cooperate for outdoor baseball (although we have played some snow baseball).  Anyway, he got frustrated that he couldn't play baseball everywhere we went and that I wouldn't let him take his ball into every store, church, friend's home, etc.  So he developed a way to bring a baseball everywhere he went. 

When it first started , I didn't realize what was happening. I went to hold his hand to cross the street and he said he couldn't hold my hand. I became frustrated; he never fights me about holding hands crossing the street, I thought I had already won that battle!

Finally he said, "mommy, I can't let go of my ball! I don't want to lose it!"  Then it all made sense. D's little fingers were curled around his imaginary ball.  I wouldn't let him take his real baseball into the store so he was taking his imaginary ball into the store.  And instead of fighting and arguing with me about the injustice of me not letting him take his baseball, his prized possession into the store, like most adults would do, he created an imaginary ball that he took everywhere.  No one can ever tell him not to take his imaginary ball into the store, and it went EVERYWHERE with him.

His imaginary ball lasted all winter into the spring and summer. It came in very handy actually, while waiting in line at (ironically) a baseball game, we played imaginary catch.  In the house, we played batting practice with his imaginary ball (imaginary balls don't break picture frames!) It kept him very busy and occupied. It is more active then video games! I learned to keep the ball safe by putting it in my pocket while crossing the street. (Yes, I really had to put it in my pocket or he would get frustrated with me.) That ball was his buddy all year; one night I found his hand clenched in a fist, holding tight to his imaginary ball all night long, until he could wake up the next day and play baseball with it.

Some Kids have imaginary friends, imaginary pets, imaginary siblings.

My son has an imaginary baseball.

Breastfeeding tidbits- --- read at your own risk!

I do not claim to be a breastfeeding expert. I am simply a mother who made the decision to breastfeed two babies and this is a little of what I learned from the experience. 

Here are just a few things I learned:

#1. Every mom has to decide for herself how she is going to feed her baby and why. She has to be comfortable with her decisions and on the same page with her partner and family. 

My Experience: I wanted to breast feed my babies. My family was very comfortable with this, my mom had breastfed us, but my husband's family was not. It was foreign to them, none of them had breastfed their babies. But my husband and I were on the complete same page and with his support, we were able to communicate and educate his family and they became very supportive of our family decision. My mother in law was wonderful because we had open communication and she supported our decisions.  It takes time and an open mind but with the recent studies showing its healthy impact on the baby, many families are very open to it now even if they themselves did not do it with their own kids.

#2. Find someone who can support you and talk you through your feeding struggles, because they will happen; the baby won't latch, the formulas are giving your baby painful gas, there will always be something!

My Experience: My mother and my sisters as well as friends were my sounding board. My mom really helped me through the beginning stages and ups and downs of breastfeeding. I could call my sister and ask her any question because she had gone through it three times herself and was open to talking about it with me. My husband and I also took a breastfeeding class that helped prepare us as well as allowed us to meet other parents that were trying it out.  When things got tough and I wanted to quit because I didn't feel like a confident feeder, my family and friends helped me through the ups downs.

#3. Be flexible, you may decide upon one way to feed and then that way won't be your best option, be flexible and open minded to change.

My Experience: I had to be flexible from one baby to the next. With D I stayed home and exclusively breastfed. With L I part time worked and pumped and he had bottles.   Both experiences fit our family's need at that particular time.  Babies adjust really well!

#4. Don't be too hard on yourself.

My Experience: with my first baby, breastfeeding was pretty stressful at times.  I tried to do everything exactly right, at the right time, with the exact correct routine. I enjoyed breastfeeding more with my second baby because I was more relaxed. I was more worried about listening to my baby instead of listening to what the books and doctors and nurses were telling me to do.

#5. Every mom will have her own experiences and her own story and its OK if your story doesn't match anyone's because chances are, it won't!

My Experience: Babies are all special, moms are all unique, and our bodies are all different! My first baby responded much different then my second. My friend's baby had a much different eating schedule then my baby, and my sister's baby had different tendencies then my baby! But we are all great moms and our babies are all healthy kids now!

#6. Its OK to ask questions!

My Experience:  My pediatrician is awesome, but sometimes I think he is crazy; he gave me his home phone and his cell phone number!  And yes, I used them both at certain times.  The internet, friends, mothers, mother in laws, grandma's are great but sometimes you just need to call your doctor / nurse and ask them, and that's OK! They are a wonderful sounding board and have probably seen and heard it all.  I thought I would only ask questions with my first baby, but I had questions with my second too, because again, babies are different!

#7. Even moms who decide to breastfeed, decide to do it for different lengths of time, and for different reasons.

My Experience: I wanted to breastfeed my babies for their first year until I could give them whole cow milk and then I would wean them off.  Well both my babies started to wean themselves at ten months old and I was only breastfeeding once a day at a year, no weaning needed, because they were ready to be done. The first baby stopped at eleven months old and refused a bottle so I had to get formula in his cereal and I was teaching him the sippy until he got the hang of it and could have whole milk; it was a stressful couple of weeks, my mom can attest to that... but we all survived and he LOVES milk NOW, even as a FOUR year old, he picks milk over any other drink 99.9% of the time.

I had friends that breastfed for the first three weeks, first six weeks, exclusively pumped and did bottles, breastfed for two years, breastfed through flu season (four months). Everyone has their own plan and reasons behind their plan and that is OK! 

#8. Uncomfortable Situations

My Experience: Becuase I was a young mom with my first baby, most of my friends were not having babies yet and a lot of people around me didn't breastfeed.  So I felt like I was constantly making people uncomfortable or trying to prove that breastfeeding was the right thing to do for my baby. Looking back, it was exhausting and not needed.  If your friends/family/neighbor/stranger are uncomfortable with your nursing in front of them, tell them they can leave or simply slip out of the room and tell them you need some alone time with the baby. When people get frustrated that they can't help feed the baby, remind them that when the baby is eating solids, they can have lots of chances to feed the baby. And if they are uncomfortable, that is OK! They don't have to be comfortable and you don't have to prove it to them. You don't have to make them comfortable and they don't have to be; one day they will understand and if that day is not today, then that's OK!

With my second baby, I was older, I had been around lots of moms and babies and I was not so nervous and my friends and family were much more comfortable too. They had also started making really cool nursing shaws (or whatever you want to call them) and so nursing in public was much more comfortable and it was much easier to hide things in front of family and friends.  I was more relaxed and this made others more relaxed.  I found a good balance between feeding my baby when he needed it, even on the run with the first kid, but also covering up enough and being aware of who was around so that hopefully I didn't make those around me uncomfortable.  Sometimes I had to nurse L while standing in a bathroom stall, but that only happened a couple of times and it helped me maintain some arm muscles:)

#9. If a baby is hungry, he will eat!

My Experience:  With my first baby, is worried about how much milk he was getting, if I was producing enough, if he was gaining enough weight.  Bit by my second baby, I realized, my baby would eat when he was hungry!  And if he didn't get enough, he, would let me know when he was hungry again!

#10. Danger: The Pacifier

My Experience:  Every book I read about breastfeeding banished the binky.  Well both my boys had pacifiers and they nursed for a year- well almost a year:) I did not want to be a human pacifier. I love nursing, but I need my two hours between feedings to do something with my life, esp with baby #2 because child #1 was running circles around me! So when my first baby latched on and nursed fine, I had a wonderful nurse who said, "sure give him the pacifier, just don't let anyone know I told you it was ok:) you have been nursing for hours, I think he's well fed."  I am so grateful for that nurse!  With D, he was happy to nurse to eat, and happy to have his pacifier to sleep.  He weaned from nursing at 11 months, we weaned him (cold turckey for a week, took three days of screaming it out in bed) of the pacifier at 14 months.  They say that babies get nipple confusion, and I'm sure some babies do, but L went from breast, to bottle, to pacifier just fine, he loved all three and knew exactly what all three did. Again, some breastfeeding moms don't use a pacifier and some do and either is OK!

Random Tips I Learned from Others that Really Helped Me:

** Skin to skin time with baby right after birth really does help them with feeding.  I delivered at two different hospitals and their philosophy on after delivery care was very different. Hospital #1 did all of their checks of the baby and swaddled him before handing him over to me to hold him. Baby #1 took a few hours to learn how to latch and suck and it was stressful. Hosptial #2 gave me my naked son as soon as he was wiped off and he nursed before they did any checks or swaddled him.  He latched and sucked instantly and it wasn't at all stressful that first feeding.  

**At four to six months I take out my nighttime nursing.  I give the baby cereal right before bed and lay him down awake so he learns to soothe himself to sleep instead of my nursing him to sleep, but I also give him his pacifier at bedtime to help him with self soothing. At about six to eight months, I start cutting back my nursing to just breakfast lunch and dinner unless of course he gets sick or it is summer time and he needs more fluids. This is when I introduce a sippy and encourage baby to get some fluids that way too. 

Baby #1 I exclusively breastfed and he only took a pumped bottle once. This was ok but I was limited to his schedule. With baby #2 we introduced the bottle at four weeks old and he was able to do bottle and breastfeed which gave me freedom to part time work and do things with the older child; I was not limited to his eating schedule which was nice. 

Again these are just a few things that worked for me and a bit of knowledge that I formed from the experience of breastfeeding two babies.  Find your own feeding path and find what you and your partner are comfortable with and enjoy the time you spend feeding your baby.  Find a way to make it a relaxing time shared together however you decide to do it!

It's Been a While

The arrival of baby #2 and a full year of buying and fixing up a foreclosed house, two busy sports seasons and two very busy boys has kept me from blogging, but in order to remember the memories we are making as a family and I as a mother, I want to continue blogging.

This blog is just going to be a list of things I want to remember from the last year and then I will get back into true blogging.

- L S F came into this world at his own pace, his birth canal journey started out fast, then slowed down then sped up again. Could have been due to a crazy doctor I did not know because mine was on vacation (of course!). But he finally arrived and we were blessed with a healthy baby.

- He has always loved to eat

- He has not really liked sleeping but is getting better.

- L has always been busy and active, crawling at five months, walking at ten months, climbing everything and trying to keep up with his brother and friends. He has always been on the smaller side, but strong.

- D's two year old obsession with baseball and all sports has continued into his three and four year ages.

- He really started to catch onto basketball as a four year old and went to practices with his dad and sat on the varsity basketball bench as a four and a half year old. 

-D is still a picky eater and most of his meals revolve around pb&j or cheeseburgers. Thank goodness he loves fruits and veggies too.

- D loves to spend time with friends nd his cousins.  He is working on being a gracious loser, (his competitiveness is a little too strong) and humbling himself when he needs to admit he is wrong (has a bit of a ego issue) and appreciating prayer (he acts like he is too busy at times.

- L is loud for his age, at almost one, he makes himself heard over the loud chaos of his brother and the other I watch. He chews on everything and esp likes to eat tissues and paper.

- D has enjoyed storytime this year, as well as swim lessons, craft time, and Sunday school at church. He will start preschool next year as a five year old three days a week, half days and will start full day Kindergarten at age young six (birthday is in July).

- Dylan went to his first Monsters hockey game, and will be going to his first CAVs basketball game.  We went to a fun Tribe Fest for the Indian's and Orbit from the Aeros came to our house for Valentine's Day surprise. No vacations this year, just family trips to Michigan and Columbus.  Lots of Indian's games to look forward to this Spring!

- Trying to fix up a foreclose house, with two young children, while in the midst of two sports seasons was INSANE. And we couldn't have done it without the amazing help of our family and fiends. We still have a LONG way to go on our home but it is liveable for now!

- This winter was a winter of the stomach flu, puking was the name of the game this winter! Along with pink eye, some viral fevers, bumps and bruises.

- Hard lessons learned: sometimes you have to lose something in order to gain it back. Sometimes you have to be completely financially humble in order to gain a small amount of security.  Trust in marriage is so key. Sometimes things are not as bad as they seem.  Taking a step back and being patient for God's loan is ultimately worth it although extremely difficult. Gos is good to those who love Him but He will send trials and tribulations to teat your faith.  Marriage does get sweeter with time and with every obstacle overcome together. Parenting is never the same twice. Kids are different and so parents have to adjust every time. This year has been the most challenging year of our lives as a family, but it has also been one of the most rewarding,  amazing year.  I have learned so much and grown so much as a mother, wife, friend, and daughter of Christ.

That is just a tidbit of info from the last year, so I can remember some of the thoughts I had this past year. Now I hope to keep up with blogging more!