Even at Two, Saying Sorry is Really Hard to Do

My son has always been pretty well behaved at storytime at the library. I take him and the other boy that I watch every week. Most weeks they are the two that do as they are told, listen really well to instructions and don't cause a scene. However, this week was different. Storytime was just coming to last few songs. My son and his buddy had done everything right, listened to all the stories, sang the songs, clapped their hands, done a jig, but the last song is when all the kids get crazy. I could see my son was getting very excited so I was keeping an eye on him because this is usually when he loses control. Well sure enough, he lost control. He was singing and walking to the beat when all of a sudden, he all out pushed the boy in front of him. Out of the blue he just pushed this little kid to the ground. The kid wasn't even looking at him, but my son all out pushed him down! I was furious, embarrassed and felt all judging motherly (and one fatherly) set of eyes on me. My mom status at storytime just crashed to the floor and fell through to the rock bottom! I was so sad, angry and embarrassed all at the same time....

What do you do next? Your kid just pushed another kid, you're in the middle of storytime. Do you get up and leave? Do you publicly punish your child? Do you yell and scream at him? Do you apologize to everyone in the room and try to justify your son's actions?

Well I grabbed my son and pulled him down to sit next to me pretty harshly. I told him he can't push and that was so mean to do to that little boy. And, I told him he couldn't get back up and join storytime until he had told this little boy that he was sorry.

In my mom brain, I figured this process would take a matter of seconds, my son would get up, tell the little boy sorry and restore his dignity by acting like a saint for the rest of storytime. Well my mom brain was working way too fast paced for my two-year-old's timeline for action. It almost took until the embarrassing last second of storytime for my son to say he was sorry. All the while I am staring at him, trying to convince him with my jeta mind tricks "just say you're sorry so we can move on and prove we are still ok people and I'm not a bad mom." Well jeta mind tricks don't work on two-year-olds. For an embarressing long twelve minutes or so (probably less but it seemed like hours...) my son and I stood in front of this little boy and his mom, me willing my son to say sorry, my stubborn son just staring straight ahead and the other little boy looking terrified!

Finally, before stamps were handed out and children got up to leave with their "perfect" mothers and father, Dylan said very matter-of-fact, "I'm sorry for pushing you." It was a victorious moment, but it was a long, long wait. I guess it's hard for two-year-olds to say sorry as it is mommy's and daddy's and cousins and aunts and uncles and husbands and wives to say sorry.

Later that day, I had the chance to relive the moment that my son had. I opened my big mouth and not nice things came out and I had to say sorry. It would have been easy to let it go and hope everyone who had heard it to forget about it. But remembering my own embarressment and my son's matter-of-fact sorry, I wasted no time and apologized right away. It wasn't easy but once I confronted the fact that I was wrong and that I had acted poorly and had sinned, a sorry was very easy. I think my son had to confront his wrongful act and come to aggreement in his mind that he needed forgiveness. I really don't know what my son was thinking at that moment, but I think it took him a while to say sorry because he meant it. Don't we all need to say sorry more? Even when it is hard, even when it is embarressing, even if it lowers our status, even if it hurts our image. When we face when we are wrong, we can be forgiven and it feels good to be forgiven. We all mess up, a lot! Sometimes for no reason, sometimes out of the blue we "push" people down with our commentary or our body language. Don't we all push or get pushed at work, at school, at home, at the store? We all need to say sorry, and sometimes it is very hard to say sorry, even for twenty-somethings, fifty-somethings, ninety-somethings.

I just hope my son continues to say sorry. I hope he learns what it feels like to be forgiven. He is going to mess up a lot in his life, we all are, but if he just asks, he can be forever forgiven from all of the wrong things he has done in his life from the only truely perfect Savior.

Social Hour with a two-year-old

Is it sad that I love having a social schedule for my two-year-old son? Is it sad that I look forward to Thursdays because it's storytime days, Fridays because we sometimes have playdates and the occasional Mondays when we get all the boy cousins together? I love having a toddler whose schedule runs around playing with friends and song time at church rather then breast milk feedings and two naps! Trust me, I still keep a scheduled single nap, but I love this new social age! Toddlers are exhausting to say the least. He loves his friendss but the next thing you know he's "tackling" them and not understanding why they are bawling. But I totally look foward to the "playdate email" that let's me know when and where playgoup is that week... my two year old can name all of his friends (which he does almost every night in his nighttime prayers) and he loves to talk about what they do together... lately his buddy and he have started an annoying mealtime tradition of seeing who can spill the most or drop their cup the loudest; extremely annoying to me but those two get laughing so hard sometimes I have to surpress my own giggle. God made us to build relationships with one another. My two year old needs friends and relationships... I just can't believe how much I enjoy his social calendar... sadly, I count down the minutes until storytime starts... but I m also learning to enjoy every last minute in this stage because I know it won't last but a few more months... I'm just hoping the next stage doesn't involve introvert behaviors or else I might have to fill up our calendar with adult social events and I'm not so good at those:)

Run Fast!

I wish I knew what was happening in a two-year-old's mind...

Why did he just dump his drink on his waffle? Why did he just push his friend down? Why does he love chicken nuggets one day and refuse to eat them for entire month? Why does he wake up in the middle of the night asking for pancakes? Why does he chase the dog around the yard? Why does he make you fix something just so he can knock it down again? All of these questions constantly flip through my mind throughout the day.

Sometimes, however he makes it easy for me and the rest of the world.

My favorite behavior of my two-year-old is when he announces what he is doing to the rest of the world. He will walk into the room after playing quietly by himself and yell to anyone "Big Poop!" It is especially fun when we are in a resteraunt and everyone stares at thier plates wondering if they want to continue to eat after that announcement.

Yesterday we were at the beach with one of my friends and Dylan comes up to us and says "Run Fast!" He had to tell us that he was about to run really fast and his announcement was by proceeded just that; him running fast in the sand. I'm not sure why running fast warrents an announcement, but somewhere in his brain, he has decided, maybe if I announce this, people will watch and listen and I will get the needed attention.

The other announcement that is very embarrassing for a mother is when my two-year-old decides every baby should be my baby and I need to be hold every baby. We will be in Target (and of course he has to be independent and walk around on his own) and he will go up to any baby and say "Mommy Up!" He thinks that I need to hold every baby that exists on this earth. I am not sure why this is or if in his little mind he thinks "if my mommy holds a baby, maybe she will give me a little brother or sister to play with." Or is he thinking "if my mommy holds this baby in the store, maybe she won't bring a baby sister or brother home." I am not sure which one it is, but somewhere in his brain, he thinks that every baby needs to be held by his mommy. It is very sweet until he goes up to the baby's true mother and tells her that I need to be holding the baby instead of her... a few awkward moments have followed these encounters.

How you explain a two-year-old's announcement to the rest of the world? I have no idea. You do lots of shushing and smiling innocently with a sholder shrug... hopefully the rest of the world understands that you don't really understand mind and his announcements are just a small statement of the entire story going on in his brain!

Not a Very Good Blogger

I have not done a very good job of keeping up with my blog this summer... I got a new part-time job and it has taken up all of my free time. I am hoping to get back into the blogging world and keep my blog a little more updated. My last blog: water, somehow the content was lost. I was trying to tell the story of how water played an important role in our summer. We did not have air conditioning all summer in our house and so water was a intregal part of our everyday life. The sprinkler, the community pool, the backyard blow-up pool, playing in the sink to cool off, spraying each other (even my husband and I) with the hose, drinking lots of it, playing with it constantly. A two year old can do so many things with water it is amazing... he would dump it, squirt it, dip in it, stomp in it, run in it (he was and is obsessed with puddles), and find every type of experiement to try with water. My water post was better written then that, but that is a quick overview of what my water post was about.

I will do my best to come up with a new post for today, but because the day is new, my child has yet to inspire me into writing mode... I'm sure it will happen shortly. Once fall is over and I am done coaching, I will be back in the blogger world much more consistently. For now, I will post when I can and hopefully they won't take my blog off again like they did during the summer.

Water

Rough Days...

It has been one of those days... rainy, everyone is crabby (even the dog), the boys are just destroying the house because I can't take them outside, timeouts and tantrums are numerous, runny noses everywhere, even snack time is a disaster (a screaming match between the two boys). It is on days like today that I wish that I was in a cubicle with only a computer to answer to. All I want to do is curl up so small I that can fit into my pillow case and stay there all day unnoticed. Days like these make me question what the heck I am doing as a stay-at-home mom and do I really have the perseverance and patience it takes to do this kind of work. I start seeing all the negatives and it really wears on me physically and emotionally.

But then there is that bright moment. A hug from my son after a timeout. The hysterical laughs of two almost-two-year-olds at something so ordinary but hilarious to them. The dog laying down on my cold feet giving me that loyal, loving look. These are the moments I have to focus on. Not the tantrums, the runny noses, the rain outside. But the smiles, the hugs, the little moments that make being a mom worth it. These are the moments that I have to soak up to make it through the rough days.

Sometimes I tire of the endless list of do's and don'ts I have to teach my child.
It is not ok to pick your nose even though you feel like there is something stuck up there.
It is not ok to strip in public even though it is so hot I'd like to do the same thing.
It is not ok to kick and scream even though that is exactly how you are feeling.

Sometimes I love being home and letting my child be who he wants to be: which may be the nose picker, clothes stripper, tantrum thrower kids that he is. But as soon as we walk out that door or someone walks through my door, I have to morph him into the perfect child everyone expects him to be. It must be so confusing and frstrating for kids; they feel and want to be and do one thing, but their parents and caregivers are constantly trying to make them into the "proper" child they want them to be. And are we doing this for the child? Well yes, by the time they reach school our children need to learn a certain amount of what is wrong vs. what is right to do in public. They need to learn a sense of self-control and know how to manage their emotions. But sometimes I think it is for the adults more than the kids. How my child acts in front of others and out in public is a reflection on how I am doing as a parent and how well my child is going to do in this society. We, as parents are judged alone at how well our child(ren) has formed into the well-behaved, clothes-wearing child the society expects him to be.

Before I had children, I was constantly saying "my child will NEVER act that way" and "I will never allow my child to be anything like that". I am now realizing that kids are kids. They are trying to figure out thier bodies. They are trying to make connections of what the heck is going on in thier world. They are trying to figure out who they are as a person. They are trying to make sense of the do's and don'ts we are constantly telling them.

I never realized that sometimes a child will throw a tantrum no matter how much training you have done or how well you do at disciplining at home. My child does not understand everytime I say no and if that no comes at Target where there are toys all around him and he doesn't understand yet that in this crazy, mixed-up world you have to pay for toys before taking them out of the box, then he is going to throw a fit because it does not make sense in his mind and he is MAD! It is so hard as a mother to have others see your child meltdown, but there is nothing you can do about it at that moment accept take them out of the store and let them throw their fit.

I am not saying discipline is bad or that I won't teach my child the do's and don'ts of society, I am just saying, I hope my child fights them when he doesn't understand them and they don't make sense to him. I hope he tries to figure things out on his own. And when we are at home he can pick his nose and take off his pants becaues he is a kid and he needs to act like one!

The Art of Getting Out the Door

Ever wonder why you are late for everything? Ever wonder why you write down everything on the calendar fifteen minutes before the actual start time? As a parent, you may have often wondered why in the world it takes you so long to get out the door. I have wondered this since my child was three days old and we tried to take him for a simple walk around the block... I have often thought there should be a class dedicated to simply "how to get your child(ren) out the door without killing yourself, your significant other, or your child".

Sometimes I truly believe that it takes more time, energy and planning to get children out of the door than it takes the Secret Service to take the President cross-country. Before you even try to get yourself or your child ready, you have to pack. Snacks for the hunger=crabby child. Extra clothes for the, spills-everytime-child. Extra diapers for the baby. And your own purse so you can pay for everything. Then you begin the process of getting your child(ren) ready. First you have to start with the changing discussion; which outfit is acceptable for the weather that day. Next you realize you didn't do a surveillance job so now you have to check the weather forecast but your computer decides to shut down. Next comes the potty/diaper drill. Depending on the season, you have the battle of the sunscreen and sunglasses; the battle of hat and mittens; or the dreaded battle of the snowsuit. Finally, right when you think you are ready to take the troops into the vehicle of choice, something is bound to go wrong. You forgot to feed the dog, you forgot to switch the carseat into the correct car, your friend calls with an emergency, or if you're like me, you forgot to put shoes on your toddler and he's walking around the yard in stocking feet. By this time everyone is whining about something and the dog is running in circles around you because she doesn't want to be left home. And before you can sneak out the door, you forgot to look at your own face in the mirror and send a prayer to God asking Him to please not let there be any peanut butter in viewable places.

I will never master the art of getting out of the door, but I do know God has been watching out for me because I have had many near disasters with peanut butter in just the right place:) I guess it's just part of being a parent. Although I think have some good tricks and tips for those Secret Service men....

Weeding Through the Trials and Tribulations

I recently started gardening. I was inspired by a neighbor and decided I needed to commit to making our home look more welcoming. The area I chose to start a garden in had a small tree growing out of it along with every weed in the book. I was determined to make this area work, it has the perfect amount of sunlight and has a brick border outlining it.

While gardening today, I was trying to meditate on the scripture passage of James 1. If any of you have read James 1, it starts out talking about trials and tribulations. It is one of my favorite passages because it reminds me of the good of learning through trials and tribulations that come my way throughout life. As I approached the area that I wanted to garden, I was reminded how completely uneducated my expectations were of this garden. I expected it to be perfect and stay perfect. I had dug out the tree which was my main obstacle. I had turned over the dirt to expose the plants to the nutrients underneath, and I had watered my plants and flowers daily. Why did my garden look like a jungle? As I started to dig out the weeds that had made themselves at home in my garden, I was reminded how trials in our lives continually pop up just like these weeds in my garden had sprung up in days. We can dig out the big trees that come between us and our goals, but we can never stop the weeds from popping up. Life is never going to be perfect and neither am I. I cannot weed out every single weed from my garden at once. I have to continually go back to my garden and dig up more weeds. In my life, I am going to be continually hit by trials and tribulations. Things are not going to go as planned, accidents are going to happen, children are going to get sick, people are not going to be perfect. As I stopped gardening to get my son from his nap, I realized that I am not going to fix everything in my life at once and all my problems aren't going to come all at one time. As trials and tribulations come my way, I have to continually weed them away by dealing with them through prayer, listening, patience, understanding, and sometimes by letting them get the best of me. But each time I have to dig deeper and pull a little harder at the weeds that fill up my life when I least expect them.

James 1: 2-4
"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Mommy Day Off - or - Off Day for Mommy??

Remember the good ol'days when you could call off work, stay home in bed for the entire morning at least before anyone needed you? The exhaustion levels that mom's reach at different times during their span of actively parenting are beyond any scientific measure I am convinced...

...first it's pregnancy exhaustion. Your body feels like you were taken over by aliens and left with only the energy to put one foot in front of the other... then comes of the first three months of motherhood. Not only is your body trying to heal itself from the most draining thing it has every been through, but it is also trying to function on less sleep than a college student gets when they pull an all-nighter. Your body is also trying to make enough food for this new human who eats every last ounce of life that you have left in you. Every feeding you wake up with the same drained, zombie exhaustion and have to do it all over again. It was during these months of fatigue and complete zombie-like existance that I begged God to give me a day off. One day of sweet sleep. I remember begging my child to go back to sleep with tears dripping down my face...

...next comes the toddler stage when teething and ear infections, itchy rashes and tummy aches cause nights of little sleep and exhausted days. And during the day all they do is go, go, go and expect you to go just as fast, and just as hard as they do. I swear since my son has become a toddler, even my dog sleeps more and is less active! I don't know what will come with the next stage, probably stressed out nights and boogy monsters to keep our levels of exhaustion at an all-time high...

I feel terrible that the days when I don't get much sleep and I have to help two girls with homework and make sure two toddler boys get along all day, sometimes mommy has an off day. I let the boys watch way too much television and I let the girls off the hook when their homework isn't perfect... I lose my temper way before it's appropriate and I wring my husband neck when he gets home (figuratively, most of the time;). These days are days when I think it would be best for everyone if I could call in sick, I would call it, "exhaustion days". And I think mom's should get as many as they need. Sometimes I dream that Heaven is a place where I can call off and take a nap for a whole day! Isn't that paradise for mom's?

I feel for you mom's, I don't think the exhaustion ever ends, maybe when our kids our out of the house; oh that's right then they will have kids that they will want us to take care of on our days off:) The exhaustion cycle just runs and runs. One day, maybe in Heaven, we will get a mommy day off. But while we are on this world in a fatigued state, don't stress yourself out when you have a Mommy Off-Day, our children will forgive us and our husbands will understand... one day at least:)

Sun Rays

If you have ever lived with a dog, you know that they have this uncanny way of soaking up sun rays. If you can't find your dog in the middle of winter, chances are they have found the only tiny ray of sun that has reached the entire house. Now that it is springtime in Ohio, my dog rarely leaves the spaces in my house engulfed with sun rays.

I am much like my dog when it comes to my girlfriends. I absorb any chance of seeing them, hearing their voice, or receiving a text. You see my life went from living with three other girls to living with a man and a baby boy in a matter of two years... I love my husband and adore being a stay-at-home mom, but what I dislike the most is the distance it puts between my life and my friends' lives. Even without meaning to, my life suddenly revolves someone that needs my attention 24/7. Now things got easier once he turned a year and I was no longer his only food source, but by then my girlfriends had moved and started their own careers/lives. So when I get the time, I eat up any chance I have to laugh, cry, eat, and enjoy life with my girlfriends. They bring excitement into my days that are full of changing diapers and making snacks. Their stories of boyfriends, new jobs, traveling, changing, keep me excited and I can't wait to hear more. There are splinters of moments when I feel jealous of their lives, but most of the time I just love to hear their stories and share our journeys together even if it is from afar.

I have been blessed with girlfriends that have lasted over the years, and have been through so much with them that moves, babies, jobs and boys can't get in the way of our friendship. I have been blessed with new "mom friends" who understand the rigors and struggles of taking care of children. I have learned a whole new meaning to "make new friends but keep the old" as I make my way through this stage in my life. Without those sun rays that come piercing into my life, I would be a cold, sad dog... thank goodness for the sun rays of girlfriends in my life! Thank you friends, I love you all!

The Dumper

When the other little boy I watch comes over in the morning, one of the first things the boys like to do together is dump everything onto the floor. They dump the blocks, the Rescue Heroes, the books, the Megablocks, the doctor set, the bin of balls; they dump and dump and dump until my entire living room floor is covered with toys.

Ever wonder who your child is going to grow up to be? Well duh... every parent thinks about that; some even obsess about it and live their lives trying to put every step in place so that their children become exactly who they want them to be.

Sadly, I often get caught up in the terrors of "what will my son be like when he is a teen." Will be get dumped or will he be the dumper? ...what if he's into drugs? ...what if he has pimples all over his face and can't get a girlfriend... what if, what if, what if. This is when my husband laughs at me and says "he hasn't even started t-ball yet, one thing at a time." I know he's right but it is so hard for a mother to let go of her worries about her children's future. They are her life and when she no longer has control over the life they will lead, it leaves a very helpless feeling in her soul.

There is this funny thing called self control. It's one of those fruit of the spirit that we are learned when we mastered the song "love, patience, kindness, goodness..." in Sunday school. I used to think self control was about controlling myself from doing bad things, such as stealing or cheating on homework. Since becoming a mother, self control has now added on new definitions : to give up the controls and let my son to build his own self: and to control the worrying. Worrying wastes precious thoughts, time and energy on things I will never be able to control. Self control means to let my son be a toy dumper now and allow him to become whatever kind of dumper or dumpee he will be as a teen.

A+ mothering

There is no evaluation process for mothers; no A, B, F's. No grade point average, no review at the end of the term, no commission on timeouts, no salary for the amount of days put in, and no bonuses at the end of week. And yet we still try to find ways to evaluate our performances as mothers. We check our answers against other mothers, we use everything from news reports to "specialists" to tell us how we are doing. We even badger our Pediatricians for answers to see if we add up.

Why?

Is it the way we are wired? Have mothers been doing this for decades? I became a mother right out of college. I graduated with honors and felt that I must prepare for motherhood with much of the same vigor of which I approached my studies... but nothing, not endless hours reading mothering magazines, not going to every parenting class, nothing can prepare you for motherhood. It is a way of life, a new approach to life. The day my son was born I knew I had to throw away the magazines, give up my studies and focus on each moment with him. Only your children can teach you how to be a mother... they won't grade your tests, they will test your knowledge of who they are and what they need. They will test who you are as a person. At the end of each day, I don't get a grade, I don't get a pat on the back, but I do get to watch my son breathing in and out, in and out and that is all the bonuses I need. (most days that is:)

Muddy Paws

Dear God,
It's me again... After cleaning dirty bums all day, the last thing I want to do is clean dirty paws. So if it wouldn't be too much to ask, could you ask the sun to come out and dry up all the mud? My dog and I would like to spend our only free time (during naptime) in a more enjoyable way. Thank you much,
me

I never understood what drove some mom's to dress up to bring their kids to a playdate or to the grocery store... well now I do. As a stay-at-home working mom, I now realize the self worth that comes with a simple change of clothes. I watch three other children other than my own 20 month old son and we have a 44 lb. mutt. In the summer and the winter, my clothes are covered in throw-up, spit up, every food imaginable, glue, and best of all snot. In the spring and fall, my clothes are covered in mud, mud, more mud and some snot. I have now descovered that putting on a fresh outfit and fresh make-up make mom's feel like they are part of the outside world. They don't want to be judged by the mud on their pants and spit up on thier shirts. Instead they want to be taken seriously and talked to like a human being, capable of looking like part of the outside world. For my part, I do my best to take the mud and the spit up to the grocery store and Target, I kinda like the looks, but there are days when I slide on a fresh new look and I feel like I can leave the mud behind and join the world of the clean and put together:)