I had a mom tell me today that she had called up her mom to vent about how exhausted she had been feeling. Her mother's response, "well you better start praying for inner strength, because you are a mom now, you are always going to be tired." I love this quote, and part of the reason I am blogging it is so that I don't forget it! It is soooo true. I am always, always, always exhausted. I wake up exhausted, I go to bed exhausted. If I get a good seven hours of sleep, I am exhausted because I got too much sleep and my body isn't used to it! Every mom that I know is tired, all of the time!
However, as much as this person was upset with her mother for not having any sympathy for her, her mom makes a good point. We are mothers. We are at a point in our lives when we are always going to be tired. Everyday life is going to be tiring and the hard days are going to be even more exhausting. We can whine about it or we can ask for strength from the Lord and do what we can to forget about being tired. I tend to forget being tired by drinking way, way too much coffee! But sometimes I get caught up in a selfish thinking that I am the only damn tired mom on the Earth! When single, working, sick mothers everywhere are ten times more tired then me and have a much better attitude about life. I may be tired, but I bet the mom who has to go to chemo once a week is a heck of a lot more tired then I am and she still has to put on a smile and do the laundry and make her kids' lunches for school. Life is never easy for parents. We can whine and complain or we can do something about it! (Like stop at Starbucks after storyhour:) Ok, more healthy ideas maybe more like pray a little more, be more thankful, and enjoy the little moments more. Kids grow up really, really fast, and I can spend my time being tired, or I can spend my time being a mom to them. I will always be tired, but I won't always get these precious moments with my kid!
Friday, January 28, 2011
Play Group or Staff Meeting?
For some reason, I have been on the sidelines looking in at playgroup lately. Most of the time it is because I am playing referee to all of the kids, but it gives me a chance to listen to the conversations of the mom's. If any of you have been a mom part of a playgroup, you will completely understand this blog. If you aren't a mom or haven't been to a playgroup, you will understand once you are part of this unique experience.
When I was a young mom, I felt very different and separated from people. I had a newborn and none of my close friends had kids of their own and most of my friends had moved away. I was surrounded by family and church family and loved them, but was looking for a group of mom's/dad's that would feel like a place where I fit in. So I went to a gym class with my son. Met some mom's and they invited me to this thing called "playdate." I think the reason they refer to them as "playdates," is because I was more nervous about my first playdate then my first real date with a boy! I wanted to make sure my son was well fed so he didn't get crabby; I wanted to look nice, but not over do it; I wanted to sound exciting, but not take over the conversation. It felt more like a job interview then a time for kids to get together to "play." Would I be accepted into this group of mom's? Would one of those mom's be my best friend? I learned to chill out after a while about play group. My first playgroup didn't even work out. I was the odd one out in the group and I didn't fit it, but it was fun for a while. I learned a good deal from those mom's even in the few group "meetings" we had together. I finally have found a "playgroup" that works for me and my son. The mom's and families in it aren't really that much alike, but we make it work. We don't always get along, and I don't always feel like I completely "fit in" but for the most part, we have fun every time we get together. Recently, I went to a new playgroup, just because my friend invited me and it was something else to do with the boys during the week. As sort of an outsider looking in, I realized that when mom's get together, it is almost like a staff meeting for a company or school. We each have our own child, with our own situations, backgrounds, and personalities. But we come together during this time to swap ideas; compare our children, brands, and newest child fad; we vent about the other parts of our lives; whine about how much we miss our lives "before kids"; brag about how much our kid knows. It is the one time a week, we get a chance to talk to other adults that are going through similar frustrations, joys, struggles, and accomplishments. We don't get to have an evaluation done by our boss, but we can have a "well done" hug from a fellow mom. It is almost like satellite branches of a company coming together to update each other on how well their part of the company is running.
During my time BD (before Dylan), I used to go to staff meetings for schools. Sometimes, it was a meeting where one person in charge stepped up and told us what we needed to do, but a lot of the times, it was time for teachers and staff to present ideas, compare classroom situations, brag about something they accomplished or one of their students accomplished, argue over the best way to do something. In many ways, playdate is like a staff meetings for mom's. We make announcements about where we are in life, "my kid just got his top front teeth, finally the constant diarrhea and drooling will stop." We compare brands "well pampers is better because it is softer and more pliable" "well Huggies has better overnight diapers." We ask advice "is John Doe in a toddler bed yet, because Nancy Drew is starting to crawl out of her crib, do I need to start that transition?" We make judgments, "well shouldn't he be eating solids by now?" And if you have a steady playgroup that meets on a regular basis, you start taking notes and then check on the progress weekly, "You said she wasn't eating veggies last week, have you started implementing them into other foods so she is getting the vitamins she needs?" Playdate is in theory supposed to be a time when kids get together to "play" which most of the time happens, but really it is for mom's to get together for their weekly staff meeting. There are times that I really get annoyed by a judgement or the constant comparing that is done when mom's get together, but I have to say that I look forward to my "weekly staff meeting." I look forward to the check-ins, updates, arguments, and presentations. It makes me feel like I am not alone in this crazy world of being a "mom."
When I was a young mom, I felt very different and separated from people. I had a newborn and none of my close friends had kids of their own and most of my friends had moved away. I was surrounded by family and church family and loved them, but was looking for a group of mom's/dad's that would feel like a place where I fit in. So I went to a gym class with my son. Met some mom's and they invited me to this thing called "playdate." I think the reason they refer to them as "playdates," is because I was more nervous about my first playdate then my first real date with a boy! I wanted to make sure my son was well fed so he didn't get crabby; I wanted to look nice, but not over do it; I wanted to sound exciting, but not take over the conversation. It felt more like a job interview then a time for kids to get together to "play." Would I be accepted into this group of mom's? Would one of those mom's be my best friend? I learned to chill out after a while about play group. My first playgroup didn't even work out. I was the odd one out in the group and I didn't fit it, but it was fun for a while. I learned a good deal from those mom's even in the few group "meetings" we had together. I finally have found a "playgroup" that works for me and my son. The mom's and families in it aren't really that much alike, but we make it work. We don't always get along, and I don't always feel like I completely "fit in" but for the most part, we have fun every time we get together. Recently, I went to a new playgroup, just because my friend invited me and it was something else to do with the boys during the week. As sort of an outsider looking in, I realized that when mom's get together, it is almost like a staff meeting for a company or school. We each have our own child, with our own situations, backgrounds, and personalities. But we come together during this time to swap ideas; compare our children, brands, and newest child fad; we vent about the other parts of our lives; whine about how much we miss our lives "before kids"; brag about how much our kid knows. It is the one time a week, we get a chance to talk to other adults that are going through similar frustrations, joys, struggles, and accomplishments. We don't get to have an evaluation done by our boss, but we can have a "well done" hug from a fellow mom. It is almost like satellite branches of a company coming together to update each other on how well their part of the company is running.
During my time BD (before Dylan), I used to go to staff meetings for schools. Sometimes, it was a meeting where one person in charge stepped up and told us what we needed to do, but a lot of the times, it was time for teachers and staff to present ideas, compare classroom situations, brag about something they accomplished or one of their students accomplished, argue over the best way to do something. In many ways, playdate is like a staff meetings for mom's. We make announcements about where we are in life, "my kid just got his top front teeth, finally the constant diarrhea and drooling will stop." We compare brands "well pampers is better because it is softer and more pliable" "well Huggies has better overnight diapers." We ask advice "is John Doe in a toddler bed yet, because Nancy Drew is starting to crawl out of her crib, do I need to start that transition?" We make judgments, "well shouldn't he be eating solids by now?" And if you have a steady playgroup that meets on a regular basis, you start taking notes and then check on the progress weekly, "You said she wasn't eating veggies last week, have you started implementing them into other foods so she is getting the vitamins she needs?" Playdate is in theory supposed to be a time when kids get together to "play" which most of the time happens, but really it is for mom's to get together for their weekly staff meeting. There are times that I really get annoyed by a judgement or the constant comparing that is done when mom's get together, but I have to say that I look forward to my "weekly staff meeting." I look forward to the check-ins, updates, arguments, and presentations. It makes me feel like I am not alone in this crazy world of being a "mom."
Does Any Mom Really Stay-at-home??
Lately I have really been bugged by the title "stay-at-home-mom." Really it is completely outlandish and an outrageous title for us mom's who have decided to make our child more of a priority than our careers at this time in our lives. Does that mean we never had a career? Does that mean we never will have a career? Does that mean all we do is "stay-at-home" watching Days of Our Lives and changing diapers? Every mom that I know is screaming NOOOOO!! I do not know one mom that doesn't do something on the side other than "staying home." Every mom I know either takes care of other kid(s), has their own side business, works on a committee, works part-time from home or from work, and does countless work outside of "taking care of the kid(s)" on top of taking care of a home and the kid(s). Because of the economy, cost of living, and life styles of today, mom's have to take on so much. Even the mom's who can financially live off of one income, do so much outside of the house. Playgoups, gym classes, music classes, storytime, preschool classes, the list goes on and on and on. Mom's in this generation who supposedly just "stay-at-home" feel so much pressure from society that they must always be on the go, taking their kid here and there to make sure that they are "well-rounded" and "well-established" in this society.
Some days I wish I could just be a "stay-at-home" mom. Besides the one child we have, I watch two other children during the week days, run a High School volleyball program as a part-time job, help to run the children's choir, and serve on a committee at church. I take the kids to story time once a week, playgroup once a week and sometimes a preschool class here and there. And everyday mom's are asking me, what other activities can we do next week? When we do get time to "just be home," we are coloring with paint, markers, crayons, chalk; playing outside (even in blizzards); playing puzzles; playing play dough; on top of the continual wiping runny noses, cleaning dirty bottoms, making meals/snacks, keeping up with housework, playing referee to the biter and the pusher; and trying to connect with each child on an individual level everyday! Rarely do I get to just "stay-home" and when I do get to "stay-home," rarely do I get to sit down. So why are we called "stay-at-home" mom's? When we are usually driving our kids more places than the FedEx truck! When people ask me what I do, I think I am going to start telling them, I am the chief operator of a small enterprise. So small that the boss has to clean the toilets!
Some days I wish I could just be a "stay-at-home" mom. Besides the one child we have, I watch two other children during the week days, run a High School volleyball program as a part-time job, help to run the children's choir, and serve on a committee at church. I take the kids to story time once a week, playgroup once a week and sometimes a preschool class here and there. And everyday mom's are asking me, what other activities can we do next week? When we do get time to "just be home," we are coloring with paint, markers, crayons, chalk; playing outside (even in blizzards); playing puzzles; playing play dough; on top of the continual wiping runny noses, cleaning dirty bottoms, making meals/snacks, keeping up with housework, playing referee to the biter and the pusher; and trying to connect with each child on an individual level everyday! Rarely do I get to just "stay-home" and when I do get to "stay-home," rarely do I get to sit down. So why are we called "stay-at-home" mom's? When we are usually driving our kids more places than the FedEx truck! When people ask me what I do, I think I am going to start telling them, I am the chief operator of a small enterprise. So small that the boss has to clean the toilets!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Little Puzzler...
If my son wasn't a two and a half, I would get him tested for OCD. And I know it is a serious disease and I don't mean to joke about it but he has some serious obsession issues! From the way he has to have his hair washed (the hours of my life I have wasted waiting for Dylan to fill up my "rinse cup") to the methodical bedtime routine he has, he has constant issues about routine and the way he has to do things step by step, the same every time. And just like all toddlers, Dylan has stages that he goes through that become obsessions. His two main things he's obsessed with right now are cars/sports temporary tattoos and puzzles. Now most poeple would say those aren't bad obsessions and I would agree for the most part. Tattoos aren't bad because they only take thirty seconds to apply and he hasn't learned that they can go on other places on his body other than his hands so he has to wait for the one set to dissipate before we have to reapply new ones. However puzzles are another story... Everyone loves puzzles, babies, kids, parents, seniors. They are good for the mind, good for the fine motor skills. Every parent wants their kids to want to play puzzles. What is wrong with puzzles? Well, the main concept here is "obsession." He wakes up asking to do puzzles, he goes to bed asking to do a puzzle. If I didn't watch other children, I think the child would only ever play puzzles. I even bribe him to eat with puzzles ("if you eat a good dinner, I will do a puzzle with you after we eat). It wouldn't be so bad if he could be an independent puzzler, but at this stage, he still needs some help with getting the puzzles started and often gets frustrated so someone has to be near by to help him with his puzzles. I swear today for the first time, I suggested him watching t.v. just so I wouldn't have to do another puzzle with him, what kind of awful mom does that?? But obsession doesn't even begin to describe it. Outside of running around doing his nightly routine with the dog and our out-of-the-house activities, Dylan would sit and do puzzles all day if he could. The other day my husband and I were driving to our separate sporting practices and he looks over at me and says with a twinkle in his eye "play puzzles?" We both hadn't heard it in over twenty minutes and had to hear in order for it to feel like an ordinary day! Luckily we realize this is just a stage and appreciate it while we can because soon obsessions with be the video games and cell phone (yuck, I really am NOT looking forward to that stage!!) but sometimes, I just can't take doing any more PUZZLES!!
I love puzzles, I always have and I love watching my child work out the logic reasoning behind each matched piece, but I am so thankful I have a meeting tonight, so that Dad has to do the nightly puzzles:) One day I will look back on this blog and miss the puzzle stage.... but that day is not today:)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
A Late Christmas Present
So my son gave me a late Christmas present last night. Let me set the stage for the occasion...
Because of all of the late nights at Dad's basketball games and Christmas events, my son has been a pain at night to put to bed. He gets into bed fine, without a fuss, but he is in a toddler bed now and knows how to open his bedroom door so after we say goodnight, he has been coming out of his room, three or four times before going to sleep. Every time it is a different excuse (sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a teenager) "I need more water," "I need to find x stuffed animal," "I need my blankets fixed" and our all-time favorite nightly excuse "I don't know, mommy. Too hard to sleep, mommy. Too hard!" So Dylan was doing this nightly routine of coming out of his room with an excuse.
About the third excuse into the evening, Dylan comes racing out of his bedroom, a huge grin on his face with his hand held out. "Here mommy! Here mommy!" I reach out to him and he starts pushing something into my hand, rubbing it into my hand. I asked him "what is it Dylan? Did you find something in your bed?" and then my husband asked him, "where did you find it Dylan?"
Dylan's answer: "My nose!!"
I got my first booger, I am officially a mom of a toddler. My son gave me a late Christmas present, I got my first official booger. Thank you Dylan. I love you sooo much!
Because of all of the late nights at Dad's basketball games and Christmas events, my son has been a pain at night to put to bed. He gets into bed fine, without a fuss, but he is in a toddler bed now and knows how to open his bedroom door so after we say goodnight, he has been coming out of his room, three or four times before going to sleep. Every time it is a different excuse (sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a teenager) "I need more water," "I need to find x stuffed animal," "I need my blankets fixed" and our all-time favorite nightly excuse "I don't know, mommy. Too hard to sleep, mommy. Too hard!" So Dylan was doing this nightly routine of coming out of his room with an excuse.
About the third excuse into the evening, Dylan comes racing out of his bedroom, a huge grin on his face with his hand held out. "Here mommy! Here mommy!" I reach out to him and he starts pushing something into my hand, rubbing it into my hand. I asked him "what is it Dylan? Did you find something in your bed?" and then my husband asked him, "where did you find it Dylan?"
Dylan's answer: "My nose!!"
I got my first booger, I am officially a mom of a toddler. My son gave me a late Christmas present, I got my first official booger. Thank you Dylan. I love you sooo much!
A Ranting Blog
Rant Number One:
Does television really have to play the scariest commercials during football games?? I mean seriously the last few NOON games, college and one o'clock games, NFL have had previews for movies like "The Witch" and scary commercials about intruders for ATD... they scare the crap out of me and you wonder why my two year old can't sleep at night?! My husband and I have gotten really good at charging into the room and grabbing the remote like a ninja, changing the channel when we get a glimpse of a scary one, but sometimes I'm getting the game time snack and he's wiping the dog's muddy paws and my two year old is left at the mercy of these scary commercials... it's NOON folks, doesn't someone in the sports TV business have a kid!? Don't they watch sports with their kid?! Seriously, save the scary commercials for the scary times at night!
Rant Number Two:
There is one time and only one time during the day that I am clean and that is the minute I step out of the shower. My dear husband let's me take nice showers if he is home every night and I get twenty minutes of complete alone bliss (that is the time I write these blogs. Seriously I'm hiding out in my bathroom typing this up right now:) I step out of that shower without a single whiff of poop, spit up, peanut butter, wet dog, or playdough. For one moment, I smell like the old me, the before kids me. I smell CLEAN! But daily, every single time I step out of that shower, my one small moment of cleanliness has disappeared with three nightmarish words "mommy I pooped." God please change my son's bowel movement schedule, thanks!
Rant Number Three: Moms that look good 24/7
I am sooo sick of seeing mom's that look sooo put together. Their outfit matches their purse, their purse matches their make-up and their make-up matches their diaper bag. They are toting around two beautiful children who match just enough that it's not too much... I can barely put make up on before running out the door with my one kid who refuses to wear anything but cheesie Cars shirts!! It is very, very disheartening. Please perfect looking mothers have one off day so I don't feel so terrible!!
Rant Number Four:
What's with non-jolly Santa's. For Christmas this year, we didn't do the mall Santa or the breakfast with Santa. But we did do the Polar Express and ran into a few Santa's here and there when we were out and about this Christmas. Everyone else that we met, the elves, the gingerbread men, everyone but Santa was jolly and friendly and had a smile on their face. But when I got my pictures back with my son standing with any Santa this season, they looked crabby and glum. I don't think I noticed it at the time because I was watching to make sure Dylan wasn't scared and that he was enjoying his time, but looking at these pictures, they all looked awful! luckily my Father-in-law dresses up every year for all of the kids, so my son got to enjoy one very jolly, happy Santa... But shouldn't Santa be the most jolly man you've ever seen? Maybe they are working too many overtime hours... maybe they need to hire happier Santas!
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