Sometimes I tire of the endless list of do's and don'ts I have to teach my child.
It is not ok to pick your nose even though you feel like there is something stuck up there.
It is not ok to strip in public even though it is so hot I'd like to do the same thing.
It is not ok to kick and scream even though that is exactly how you are feeling.

Sometimes I love being home and letting my child be who he wants to be: which may be the nose picker, clothes stripper, tantrum thrower kids that he is. But as soon as we walk out that door or someone walks through my door, I have to morph him into the perfect child everyone expects him to be. It must be so confusing and frstrating for kids; they feel and want to be and do one thing, but their parents and caregivers are constantly trying to make them into the "proper" child they want them to be. And are we doing this for the child? Well yes, by the time they reach school our children need to learn a certain amount of what is wrong vs. what is right to do in public. They need to learn a sense of self-control and know how to manage their emotions. But sometimes I think it is for the adults more than the kids. How my child acts in front of others and out in public is a reflection on how I am doing as a parent and how well my child is going to do in this society. We, as parents are judged alone at how well our child(ren) has formed into the well-behaved, clothes-wearing child the society expects him to be.

Before I had children, I was constantly saying "my child will NEVER act that way" and "I will never allow my child to be anything like that". I am now realizing that kids are kids. They are trying to figure out thier bodies. They are trying to make connections of what the heck is going on in thier world. They are trying to figure out who they are as a person. They are trying to make sense of the do's and don'ts we are constantly telling them.

I never realized that sometimes a child will throw a tantrum no matter how much training you have done or how well you do at disciplining at home. My child does not understand everytime I say no and if that no comes at Target where there are toys all around him and he doesn't understand yet that in this crazy, mixed-up world you have to pay for toys before taking them out of the box, then he is going to throw a fit because it does not make sense in his mind and he is MAD! It is so hard as a mother to have others see your child meltdown, but there is nothing you can do about it at that moment accept take them out of the store and let them throw their fit.

I am not saying discipline is bad or that I won't teach my child the do's and don'ts of society, I am just saying, I hope my child fights them when he doesn't understand them and they don't make sense to him. I hope he tries to figure things out on his own. And when we are at home he can pick his nose and take off his pants becaues he is a kid and he needs to act like one!

The Art of Getting Out the Door

Ever wonder why you are late for everything? Ever wonder why you write down everything on the calendar fifteen minutes before the actual start time? As a parent, you may have often wondered why in the world it takes you so long to get out the door. I have wondered this since my child was three days old and we tried to take him for a simple walk around the block... I have often thought there should be a class dedicated to simply "how to get your child(ren) out the door without killing yourself, your significant other, or your child".

Sometimes I truly believe that it takes more time, energy and planning to get children out of the door than it takes the Secret Service to take the President cross-country. Before you even try to get yourself or your child ready, you have to pack. Snacks for the hunger=crabby child. Extra clothes for the, spills-everytime-child. Extra diapers for the baby. And your own purse so you can pay for everything. Then you begin the process of getting your child(ren) ready. First you have to start with the changing discussion; which outfit is acceptable for the weather that day. Next you realize you didn't do a surveillance job so now you have to check the weather forecast but your computer decides to shut down. Next comes the potty/diaper drill. Depending on the season, you have the battle of the sunscreen and sunglasses; the battle of hat and mittens; or the dreaded battle of the snowsuit. Finally, right when you think you are ready to take the troops into the vehicle of choice, something is bound to go wrong. You forgot to feed the dog, you forgot to switch the carseat into the correct car, your friend calls with an emergency, or if you're like me, you forgot to put shoes on your toddler and he's walking around the yard in stocking feet. By this time everyone is whining about something and the dog is running in circles around you because she doesn't want to be left home. And before you can sneak out the door, you forgot to look at your own face in the mirror and send a prayer to God asking Him to please not let there be any peanut butter in viewable places.

I will never master the art of getting out of the door, but I do know God has been watching out for me because I have had many near disasters with peanut butter in just the right place:) I guess it's just part of being a parent. Although I think have some good tricks and tips for those Secret Service men....

Weeding Through the Trials and Tribulations

I recently started gardening. I was inspired by a neighbor and decided I needed to commit to making our home look more welcoming. The area I chose to start a garden in had a small tree growing out of it along with every weed in the book. I was determined to make this area work, it has the perfect amount of sunlight and has a brick border outlining it.

While gardening today, I was trying to meditate on the scripture passage of James 1. If any of you have read James 1, it starts out talking about trials and tribulations. It is one of my favorite passages because it reminds me of the good of learning through trials and tribulations that come my way throughout life. As I approached the area that I wanted to garden, I was reminded how completely uneducated my expectations were of this garden. I expected it to be perfect and stay perfect. I had dug out the tree which was my main obstacle. I had turned over the dirt to expose the plants to the nutrients underneath, and I had watered my plants and flowers daily. Why did my garden look like a jungle? As I started to dig out the weeds that had made themselves at home in my garden, I was reminded how trials in our lives continually pop up just like these weeds in my garden had sprung up in days. We can dig out the big trees that come between us and our goals, but we can never stop the weeds from popping up. Life is never going to be perfect and neither am I. I cannot weed out every single weed from my garden at once. I have to continually go back to my garden and dig up more weeds. In my life, I am going to be continually hit by trials and tribulations. Things are not going to go as planned, accidents are going to happen, children are going to get sick, people are not going to be perfect. As I stopped gardening to get my son from his nap, I realized that I am not going to fix everything in my life at once and all my problems aren't going to come all at one time. As trials and tribulations come my way, I have to continually weed them away by dealing with them through prayer, listening, patience, understanding, and sometimes by letting them get the best of me. But each time I have to dig deeper and pull a little harder at the weeds that fill up my life when I least expect them.

James 1: 2-4
"Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Mommy Day Off - or - Off Day for Mommy??

Remember the good ol'days when you could call off work, stay home in bed for the entire morning at least before anyone needed you? The exhaustion levels that mom's reach at different times during their span of actively parenting are beyond any scientific measure I am convinced...

...first it's pregnancy exhaustion. Your body feels like you were taken over by aliens and left with only the energy to put one foot in front of the other... then comes of the first three months of motherhood. Not only is your body trying to heal itself from the most draining thing it has every been through, but it is also trying to function on less sleep than a college student gets when they pull an all-nighter. Your body is also trying to make enough food for this new human who eats every last ounce of life that you have left in you. Every feeding you wake up with the same drained, zombie exhaustion and have to do it all over again. It was during these months of fatigue and complete zombie-like existance that I begged God to give me a day off. One day of sweet sleep. I remember begging my child to go back to sleep with tears dripping down my face...

...next comes the toddler stage when teething and ear infections, itchy rashes and tummy aches cause nights of little sleep and exhausted days. And during the day all they do is go, go, go and expect you to go just as fast, and just as hard as they do. I swear since my son has become a toddler, even my dog sleeps more and is less active! I don't know what will come with the next stage, probably stressed out nights and boogy monsters to keep our levels of exhaustion at an all-time high...

I feel terrible that the days when I don't get much sleep and I have to help two girls with homework and make sure two toddler boys get along all day, sometimes mommy has an off day. I let the boys watch way too much television and I let the girls off the hook when their homework isn't perfect... I lose my temper way before it's appropriate and I wring my husband neck when he gets home (figuratively, most of the time;). These days are days when I think it would be best for everyone if I could call in sick, I would call it, "exhaustion days". And I think mom's should get as many as they need. Sometimes I dream that Heaven is a place where I can call off and take a nap for a whole day! Isn't that paradise for mom's?

I feel for you mom's, I don't think the exhaustion ever ends, maybe when our kids our out of the house; oh that's right then they will have kids that they will want us to take care of on our days off:) The exhaustion cycle just runs and runs. One day, maybe in Heaven, we will get a mommy day off. But while we are on this world in a fatigued state, don't stress yourself out when you have a Mommy Off-Day, our children will forgive us and our husbands will understand... one day at least:)

Sun Rays

If you have ever lived with a dog, you know that they have this uncanny way of soaking up sun rays. If you can't find your dog in the middle of winter, chances are they have found the only tiny ray of sun that has reached the entire house. Now that it is springtime in Ohio, my dog rarely leaves the spaces in my house engulfed with sun rays.

I am much like my dog when it comes to my girlfriends. I absorb any chance of seeing them, hearing their voice, or receiving a text. You see my life went from living with three other girls to living with a man and a baby boy in a matter of two years... I love my husband and adore being a stay-at-home mom, but what I dislike the most is the distance it puts between my life and my friends' lives. Even without meaning to, my life suddenly revolves someone that needs my attention 24/7. Now things got easier once he turned a year and I was no longer his only food source, but by then my girlfriends had moved and started their own careers/lives. So when I get the time, I eat up any chance I have to laugh, cry, eat, and enjoy life with my girlfriends. They bring excitement into my days that are full of changing diapers and making snacks. Their stories of boyfriends, new jobs, traveling, changing, keep me excited and I can't wait to hear more. There are splinters of moments when I feel jealous of their lives, but most of the time I just love to hear their stories and share our journeys together even if it is from afar.

I have been blessed with girlfriends that have lasted over the years, and have been through so much with them that moves, babies, jobs and boys can't get in the way of our friendship. I have been blessed with new "mom friends" who understand the rigors and struggles of taking care of children. I have learned a whole new meaning to "make new friends but keep the old" as I make my way through this stage in my life. Without those sun rays that come piercing into my life, I would be a cold, sad dog... thank goodness for the sun rays of girlfriends in my life! Thank you friends, I love you all!

The Dumper

When the other little boy I watch comes over in the morning, one of the first things the boys like to do together is dump everything onto the floor. They dump the blocks, the Rescue Heroes, the books, the Megablocks, the doctor set, the bin of balls; they dump and dump and dump until my entire living room floor is covered with toys.

Ever wonder who your child is going to grow up to be? Well duh... every parent thinks about that; some even obsess about it and live their lives trying to put every step in place so that their children become exactly who they want them to be.

Sadly, I often get caught up in the terrors of "what will my son be like when he is a teen." Will be get dumped or will he be the dumper? ...what if he's into drugs? ...what if he has pimples all over his face and can't get a girlfriend... what if, what if, what if. This is when my husband laughs at me and says "he hasn't even started t-ball yet, one thing at a time." I know he's right but it is so hard for a mother to let go of her worries about her children's future. They are her life and when she no longer has control over the life they will lead, it leaves a very helpless feeling in her soul.

There is this funny thing called self control. It's one of those fruit of the spirit that we are learned when we mastered the song "love, patience, kindness, goodness..." in Sunday school. I used to think self control was about controlling myself from doing bad things, such as stealing or cheating on homework. Since becoming a mother, self control has now added on new definitions : to give up the controls and let my son to build his own self: and to control the worrying. Worrying wastes precious thoughts, time and energy on things I will never be able to control. Self control means to let my son be a toy dumper now and allow him to become whatever kind of dumper or dumpee he will be as a teen.

A+ mothering

There is no evaluation process for mothers; no A, B, F's. No grade point average, no review at the end of the term, no commission on timeouts, no salary for the amount of days put in, and no bonuses at the end of week. And yet we still try to find ways to evaluate our performances as mothers. We check our answers against other mothers, we use everything from news reports to "specialists" to tell us how we are doing. We even badger our Pediatricians for answers to see if we add up.

Why?

Is it the way we are wired? Have mothers been doing this for decades? I became a mother right out of college. I graduated with honors and felt that I must prepare for motherhood with much of the same vigor of which I approached my studies... but nothing, not endless hours reading mothering magazines, not going to every parenting class, nothing can prepare you for motherhood. It is a way of life, a new approach to life. The day my son was born I knew I had to throw away the magazines, give up my studies and focus on each moment with him. Only your children can teach you how to be a mother... they won't grade your tests, they will test your knowledge of who they are and what they need. They will test who you are as a person. At the end of each day, I don't get a grade, I don't get a pat on the back, but I do get to watch my son breathing in and out, in and out and that is all the bonuses I need. (most days that is:)