The Tight Rope Walk of Exposure Parenting

I think most parents would agree that there is a fine line between exposing your child to something in healthy amounts and overexposing them?  It is a tight line to walk as parents in this day in age when kids get exposed so easily and often because of social media and the world in which we live today.  I think this too can pertain to positive things in your life.  In this day, parents are convinced that their child(ren) need to be exposed to everything  and then they need to be geniuses at all of them. 

How do we parent with these pressures? How do we keep our children innocent as long as we can while at the same time educate them of the dangers of this world? How do we help them create their own filter and help them build personal integrity? How do we help them learn to be empathetic creatures while also help them to build a healthy sense of self worth without getting egotistical?  These are questions I am in constant struggle with as a parent of an almost five year old who is understanding more and becoming more and more aware of what is going on around him.  He is starting to notice things that I always worried about him noticing when he was in my womb and I would cover my belly with my hands. 

How do we muddle through and make sense of it?  How do we wage the positives verse negatives of exposing our kids to certain things?

First, I try to go to the Bible where  I can find the guidance I need to help with those decisions.   We also, often pray about protecting our kids from things we don't have control over.  Prayer and searching for answers from our Lord and Savior is where we go first. 

After that first step, it is a decision based on experience a lot of times.  What we have experienced as kids, teens, adults, teachers, coaches, aunts, uncles, care givers, plays a role into how we respond to certain situations.  We also have to think about what our kids are going to be around and what they are going to face in their surroundings and environment.  Growing up, I did not see someone drink a beer in front of me until high school. My husband was around it all of his life.  Neither one of us turned into alcoholics or abused alcohol early in our young adult lives.  My son loves sports, he wants to watch sports all of the time, but with sports comes commercials containing violence and sex and alcohol.  How do we deal with his exposure to these commercials when they are out of our control? Often we try to shield or hide these commercials from him, but  how do we talk to him when he does get exposed to them?

How do you deal with issues of exposure to alcohol, sex, violence, bad words, etc that are all over in our world and their environments? 

I have seen kids pulled from ballet, to band, to cross country and the back to jazz dance class. Pulled in so many directions that their school work is hurting because they are exhausted and too busy for homework.

How do we make sure we expose our kids to enough different things so they are well rounded and have options from which to choose to find what they enjoy and are talented, while  still allowing them time to be children and have play time with their friends and family time at home? 

I have seen kids as young as two dragged kicking and screaming to soccer practice.  I have seen teens burned out because they have been pressured to perfection on the piano and practice is painful to them. 

How do we make sure we expose them to hard work and perseverance without overexposure them and pushing them to hate it or you?

I really don't have the answer to these questions.  I think every parent has to figure out what works for his/her child(ren).  I think decisions have to be made based on every child individually, depending on their personality and tendencies. 

But I do think these are questions we need to consistently ask our selves as parents and as a society.  How are WE influencing children by the decisions we make as to what we expose our children to and how much we expose them to it?  And how can we prepare them to be adults that make decisions about their own exposure to things that might temp them to do good or bad things?  It is a difficult path we must walk as parents!

Imagine This

D is obsessed with baseball. It started when he was two years old and we took him to his first Major League and Minor League baseball games that summer.  He started playing baseball nonstop after those games. In the house, outside, in his bed, anywhere, he had a ball and a bat and he was begging someone to play baseball with him; begging someone to pitch to him or throw him grounders or pop ups.  My husband and I kept saying" it's just a phase" well D will be turning five this summer and his obsession has not faded.  He is still constantly playing baseball, talking about baseball, obsessing about baseball.  Now he is obsessed with certain MLB players and collecting cards, autographs, etc. The kid is baseball crazy. Instead of vacation this summer, we got a set of Indian's tickets to go to games, because that is what we like to do as a family, go to baseball games, minor league baseball games, major league baseball games, college baseball games, high school baseball gamed, middle school baseball games, whatever it is, we are watching some sort of baseball from April to October. (And even December to March, we watch an Indian's game that is forever saved on our DVR. Yes he watches it over and over and even though he knows the outcome of every play, he watches and cheers like it's his first time watching). His little brother is one year's old and his first word was "ba" (ball), the poor kid had no choice!

With 65 days until opening day at Progressive Field, we already had a poster made (it also happens to be his favorite player's birthday, yes he likes to do research on his favorite player, I swear it was his idea to research his birthday!). And even though it is five months until his fifth birthday, he has already found a minor league team that plays a game on his birthday because that's what he wants to do for his birthday, of course, go to a baseball game.  What did he beg for his fourth birthday? A catcher's mask and helmet. What topped his Santa list the last two Christmas's?  Indians tickets & baseball cards.  What does he want this year for his birthday, we were informed the other day? A BATTING CAGE for our back yard. ( We told him to keep dreaming about that one:). And did I mention D rocks Indian's baseball undies? I think that confirms the diagnosis: baseball obsessed.

At around age three and a half, it was winter time and D was having a difficult time saying good bye to baseball season.  He still wanted to play constantly and was frustrated that the weather wouldn't cooperate for outdoor baseball (although we have played some snow baseball).  Anyway, he got frustrated that he couldn't play baseball everywhere we went and that I wouldn't let him take his ball into every store, church, friend's home, etc.  So he developed a way to bring a baseball everywhere he went. 

When it first started , I didn't realize what was happening. I went to hold his hand to cross the street and he said he couldn't hold my hand. I became frustrated; he never fights me about holding hands crossing the street, I thought I had already won that battle!

Finally he said, "mommy, I can't let go of my ball! I don't want to lose it!"  Then it all made sense. D's little fingers were curled around his imaginary ball.  I wouldn't let him take his real baseball into the store so he was taking his imaginary ball into the store.  And instead of fighting and arguing with me about the injustice of me not letting him take his baseball, his prized possession into the store, like most adults would do, he created an imaginary ball that he took everywhere.  No one can ever tell him not to take his imaginary ball into the store, and it went EVERYWHERE with him.

His imaginary ball lasted all winter into the spring and summer. It came in very handy actually, while waiting in line at (ironically) a baseball game, we played imaginary catch.  In the house, we played batting practice with his imaginary ball (imaginary balls don't break picture frames!) It kept him very busy and occupied. It is more active then video games! I learned to keep the ball safe by putting it in my pocket while crossing the street. (Yes, I really had to put it in my pocket or he would get frustrated with me.) That ball was his buddy all year; one night I found his hand clenched in a fist, holding tight to his imaginary ball all night long, until he could wake up the next day and play baseball with it.

Some Kids have imaginary friends, imaginary pets, imaginary siblings.

My son has an imaginary baseball.

Breastfeeding tidbits- --- read at your own risk!

I do not claim to be a breastfeeding expert. I am simply a mother who made the decision to breastfeed two babies and this is a little of what I learned from the experience. 

Here are just a few things I learned:

#1. Every mom has to decide for herself how she is going to feed her baby and why. She has to be comfortable with her decisions and on the same page with her partner and family. 

My Experience: I wanted to breast feed my babies. My family was very comfortable with this, my mom had breastfed us, but my husband's family was not. It was foreign to them, none of them had breastfed their babies. But my husband and I were on the complete same page and with his support, we were able to communicate and educate his family and they became very supportive of our family decision. My mother in law was wonderful because we had open communication and she supported our decisions.  It takes time and an open mind but with the recent studies showing its healthy impact on the baby, many families are very open to it now even if they themselves did not do it with their own kids.

#2. Find someone who can support you and talk you through your feeding struggles, because they will happen; the baby won't latch, the formulas are giving your baby painful gas, there will always be something!

My Experience: My mother and my sisters as well as friends were my sounding board. My mom really helped me through the beginning stages and ups and downs of breastfeeding. I could call my sister and ask her any question because she had gone through it three times herself and was open to talking about it with me. My husband and I also took a breastfeeding class that helped prepare us as well as allowed us to meet other parents that were trying it out.  When things got tough and I wanted to quit because I didn't feel like a confident feeder, my family and friends helped me through the ups downs.

#3. Be flexible, you may decide upon one way to feed and then that way won't be your best option, be flexible and open minded to change.

My Experience: I had to be flexible from one baby to the next. With D I stayed home and exclusively breastfed. With L I part time worked and pumped and he had bottles.   Both experiences fit our family's need at that particular time.  Babies adjust really well!

#4. Don't be too hard on yourself.

My Experience: with my first baby, breastfeeding was pretty stressful at times.  I tried to do everything exactly right, at the right time, with the exact correct routine. I enjoyed breastfeeding more with my second baby because I was more relaxed. I was more worried about listening to my baby instead of listening to what the books and doctors and nurses were telling me to do.

#5. Every mom will have her own experiences and her own story and its OK if your story doesn't match anyone's because chances are, it won't!

My Experience: Babies are all special, moms are all unique, and our bodies are all different! My first baby responded much different then my second. My friend's baby had a much different eating schedule then my baby, and my sister's baby had different tendencies then my baby! But we are all great moms and our babies are all healthy kids now!

#6. Its OK to ask questions!

My Experience:  My pediatrician is awesome, but sometimes I think he is crazy; he gave me his home phone and his cell phone number!  And yes, I used them both at certain times.  The internet, friends, mothers, mother in laws, grandma's are great but sometimes you just need to call your doctor / nurse and ask them, and that's OK! They are a wonderful sounding board and have probably seen and heard it all.  I thought I would only ask questions with my first baby, but I had questions with my second too, because again, babies are different!

#7. Even moms who decide to breastfeed, decide to do it for different lengths of time, and for different reasons.

My Experience: I wanted to breastfeed my babies for their first year until I could give them whole cow milk and then I would wean them off.  Well both my babies started to wean themselves at ten months old and I was only breastfeeding once a day at a year, no weaning needed, because they were ready to be done. The first baby stopped at eleven months old and refused a bottle so I had to get formula in his cereal and I was teaching him the sippy until he got the hang of it and could have whole milk; it was a stressful couple of weeks, my mom can attest to that... but we all survived and he LOVES milk NOW, even as a FOUR year old, he picks milk over any other drink 99.9% of the time.

I had friends that breastfed for the first three weeks, first six weeks, exclusively pumped and did bottles, breastfed for two years, breastfed through flu season (four months). Everyone has their own plan and reasons behind their plan and that is OK! 

#8. Uncomfortable Situations

My Experience: Becuase I was a young mom with my first baby, most of my friends were not having babies yet and a lot of people around me didn't breastfeed.  So I felt like I was constantly making people uncomfortable or trying to prove that breastfeeding was the right thing to do for my baby. Looking back, it was exhausting and not needed.  If your friends/family/neighbor/stranger are uncomfortable with your nursing in front of them, tell them they can leave or simply slip out of the room and tell them you need some alone time with the baby. When people get frustrated that they can't help feed the baby, remind them that when the baby is eating solids, they can have lots of chances to feed the baby. And if they are uncomfortable, that is OK! They don't have to be comfortable and you don't have to prove it to them. You don't have to make them comfortable and they don't have to be; one day they will understand and if that day is not today, then that's OK!

With my second baby, I was older, I had been around lots of moms and babies and I was not so nervous and my friends and family were much more comfortable too. They had also started making really cool nursing shaws (or whatever you want to call them) and so nursing in public was much more comfortable and it was much easier to hide things in front of family and friends.  I was more relaxed and this made others more relaxed.  I found a good balance between feeding my baby when he needed it, even on the run with the first kid, but also covering up enough and being aware of who was around so that hopefully I didn't make those around me uncomfortable.  Sometimes I had to nurse L while standing in a bathroom stall, but that only happened a couple of times and it helped me maintain some arm muscles:)

#9. If a baby is hungry, he will eat!

My Experience:  With my first baby, is worried about how much milk he was getting, if I was producing enough, if he was gaining enough weight.  Bit by my second baby, I realized, my baby would eat when he was hungry!  And if he didn't get enough, he, would let me know when he was hungry again!

#10. Danger: The Pacifier

My Experience:  Every book I read about breastfeeding banished the binky.  Well both my boys had pacifiers and they nursed for a year- well almost a year:) I did not want to be a human pacifier. I love nursing, but I need my two hours between feedings to do something with my life, esp with baby #2 because child #1 was running circles around me! So when my first baby latched on and nursed fine, I had a wonderful nurse who said, "sure give him the pacifier, just don't let anyone know I told you it was ok:) you have been nursing for hours, I think he's well fed."  I am so grateful for that nurse!  With D, he was happy to nurse to eat, and happy to have his pacifier to sleep.  He weaned from nursing at 11 months, we weaned him (cold turckey for a week, took three days of screaming it out in bed) of the pacifier at 14 months.  They say that babies get nipple confusion, and I'm sure some babies do, but L went from breast, to bottle, to pacifier just fine, he loved all three and knew exactly what all three did. Again, some breastfeeding moms don't use a pacifier and some do and either is OK!

Random Tips I Learned from Others that Really Helped Me:

** Skin to skin time with baby right after birth really does help them with feeding.  I delivered at two different hospitals and their philosophy on after delivery care was very different. Hospital #1 did all of their checks of the baby and swaddled him before handing him over to me to hold him. Baby #1 took a few hours to learn how to latch and suck and it was stressful. Hosptial #2 gave me my naked son as soon as he was wiped off and he nursed before they did any checks or swaddled him.  He latched and sucked instantly and it wasn't at all stressful that first feeding.  

**At four to six months I take out my nighttime nursing.  I give the baby cereal right before bed and lay him down awake so he learns to soothe himself to sleep instead of my nursing him to sleep, but I also give him his pacifier at bedtime to help him with self soothing. At about six to eight months, I start cutting back my nursing to just breakfast lunch and dinner unless of course he gets sick or it is summer time and he needs more fluids. This is when I introduce a sippy and encourage baby to get some fluids that way too. 

Baby #1 I exclusively breastfed and he only took a pumped bottle once. This was ok but I was limited to his schedule. With baby #2 we introduced the bottle at four weeks old and he was able to do bottle and breastfeed which gave me freedom to part time work and do things with the older child; I was not limited to his eating schedule which was nice. 

Again these are just a few things that worked for me and a bit of knowledge that I formed from the experience of breastfeeding two babies.  Find your own feeding path and find what you and your partner are comfortable with and enjoy the time you spend feeding your baby.  Find a way to make it a relaxing time shared together however you decide to do it!

It's Been a While

The arrival of baby #2 and a full year of buying and fixing up a foreclosed house, two busy sports seasons and two very busy boys has kept me from blogging, but in order to remember the memories we are making as a family and I as a mother, I want to continue blogging.

This blog is just going to be a list of things I want to remember from the last year and then I will get back into true blogging.

- L S F came into this world at his own pace, his birth canal journey started out fast, then slowed down then sped up again. Could have been due to a crazy doctor I did not know because mine was on vacation (of course!). But he finally arrived and we were blessed with a healthy baby.

- He has always loved to eat

- He has not really liked sleeping but is getting better.

- L has always been busy and active, crawling at five months, walking at ten months, climbing everything and trying to keep up with his brother and friends. He has always been on the smaller side, but strong.

- D's two year old obsession with baseball and all sports has continued into his three and four year ages.

- He really started to catch onto basketball as a four year old and went to practices with his dad and sat on the varsity basketball bench as a four and a half year old. 

-D is still a picky eater and most of his meals revolve around pb&j or cheeseburgers. Thank goodness he loves fruits and veggies too.

- D loves to spend time with friends nd his cousins.  He is working on being a gracious loser, (his competitiveness is a little too strong) and humbling himself when he needs to admit he is wrong (has a bit of a ego issue) and appreciating prayer (he acts like he is too busy at times.

- L is loud for his age, at almost one, he makes himself heard over the loud chaos of his brother and the other I watch. He chews on everything and esp likes to eat tissues and paper.

- D has enjoyed storytime this year, as well as swim lessons, craft time, and Sunday school at church. He will start preschool next year as a five year old three days a week, half days and will start full day Kindergarten at age young six (birthday is in July).

- Dylan went to his first Monsters hockey game, and will be going to his first CAVs basketball game.  We went to a fun Tribe Fest for the Indian's and Orbit from the Aeros came to our house for Valentine's Day surprise. No vacations this year, just family trips to Michigan and Columbus.  Lots of Indian's games to look forward to this Spring!

- Trying to fix up a foreclose house, with two young children, while in the midst of two sports seasons was INSANE. And we couldn't have done it without the amazing help of our family and fiends. We still have a LONG way to go on our home but it is liveable for now!

- This winter was a winter of the stomach flu, puking was the name of the game this winter! Along with pink eye, some viral fevers, bumps and bruises.

- Hard lessons learned: sometimes you have to lose something in order to gain it back. Sometimes you have to be completely financially humble in order to gain a small amount of security.  Trust in marriage is so key. Sometimes things are not as bad as they seem.  Taking a step back and being patient for God's loan is ultimately worth it although extremely difficult. Gos is good to those who love Him but He will send trials and tribulations to teat your faith.  Marriage does get sweeter with time and with every obstacle overcome together. Parenting is never the same twice. Kids are different and so parents have to adjust every time. This year has been the most challenging year of our lives as a family, but it has also been one of the most rewarding,  amazing year.  I have learned so much and grown so much as a mother, wife, friend, and daughter of Christ.

That is just a tidbit of info from the last year, so I can remember some of the thoughts I had this past year. Now I hope to keep up with blogging more!

The First Run After the Second Baby

I have never been a runner.  Never tried to convince anyone that I was a runner.  I have never entered in a race, I have never had the urge to run in a marathon, never wanted to put on running shoes and conquer a mountain run. I am not a runner, never have been.  I have however, used running as a tool to get more in shape.  In high school I ran to fit into my prom dress.  In college I ran to fit into my skinny jeans.  Past college, there hasn't been much running.  However, I needed a tool to help me fit into my swim suit and I thought running was the answer. 

I had my second child a little over seven weeks ago.  At six weeks my OB gave me the green light to get back into exercising.  Yesterday my three-year-old wanted to play in the sprinkler. Yesterday morning we bought our pool pass for the summer.  Yesterday, I went to my bedroom, pulled out a bathing suit, tried to put it on and started laughing at the sight.  Oh was it a sight!!  Sagging skin, back fat, legs as big as tree trunks but veiny and rippling so they looked more like the trunk of an elderly tree over a hundred years old, massive boobs that look like they are tatooed with blue veins all over them, and divots in my hips where my skin had to stretch over my ever growing hips (oh yeah they call those stretch marks, well they look more like lines carved out of my skin).  All this to say that my body is NOT ready to try to fit into a bathing suit, let alone, look half-way decent in a bathing suit!!

So when my husband came home from work and both kids had been fed and bathed, I decided to go for a run. I needed to get my body back in some short of shape, I needed to do SOMETHING!

So I took the first running steps.  My entire body jiggled.  I kid you not, my ENTIRE body jiggled! Every piece of skin, every stretched muscle, every extra ounce of body fat, EVERYTHING jiggled.  Well my boobs more went thunk, thunking then jiggling, but everything else jiggled. I pushed past the jiggling, I told myself "this was why I was running, to get rid of the jiggling!"  I continued down the road, I started to breath a little harder, then a little harder, and I told myself "you pushed out a baby, you can handle a little run." 

Lots of self talks throughout this run... I told myself I was going to get back in shape so I could wear my college skinny jeans again... I told myself, I was going to start running every night so I could be like that neighbor that looks like she is running on air, beautiful, skinny, and so easy!  I told myself that the dog really was running too (even though the dog was simply walking next to me because I was running that slow)... I told myself, I could make it around the entire neighborhood.  I told myself that, that high school boy staring at me from the passing car wasn't just looking at my flapping money makers (well they are more like money savers, every dollar I save per formula bottle I would be spending if I didn't have working boob feeders) and he was thinking, "what a hot mom,"   And then I told myself to stop lying... that boy was probably thinking "oh you poor lady, you look like you are about to die!"  ...I will NEVER fit in my skinny jean again... I will never have time to run every day again   ...and the dog is really just WALKING!  

...and then I stopped running.

... do you think they give refunds for pool passes due to sagging skin, massive legs, and back fat?

I hope so...

The Simple Things

I asked my son what he was thankful for today and I realized I haven't made a list of my own thankfulness is a very, very long time. So I began a thank you list. I have been very negative lately and today I realized I need to stop! I need to start being more thankful for there is so much to be thankful for and most of the time, we take for granted the simple things that we should be praising God for each and every day.

Thank you God...
...for hot, hot showers with blasting country music instead of "Jake and the Never Land Pirates" that consumes the other portions of my days
...for the sweet, sweet sound of silence, just the hushed deep breathing of my child fast asleep
...for the sweet smell of clean sheets on my bed
...for the random sweet text from a friend
...for mother-in-law's banana bread and mother's homemade cookies
...for calming hubby hugs during mid-afternoon lunch breaks
...for nice receptionists at the doctor's office
...for the love between a boy and his dog
...for friendships that last decades
...for friendships that last only seconds
...for sappy song lyrics that leave me welling with tears during a random drive to the store
...for reminders of Your power
...for Grace
...for watercolors and children that love to paint with them
...for Christmas cards
...for lotion when every inch of skin is itchy and stretching on my pregnant body
...for a recliner when my pregnancy toes are sausages and my ankles no longer exist
...for other mom's who understand the roller coaster ride everyday becomes
...for Super Bowls and Championship games (can we please cut the non-family friendly commercials please! I'm tired of covering my child's eyes and ears and my belly for goodness sake!!)
...for families and generations of love
...for church families full of support and prayers
...for hardworking people
...for a very convicting book to humble and remind me of so many things
...for nail polish for my awful looking feet/toes
...for Oreo cookies and milk
...for clean, cold water
...for the bubbly laugh of a baby
...for the picture that stops my breath
...for the memories of specials moments that stopped time
...for weddings
...for engagement rings and promises that last eternity
...for warm sunshine on a cold day
...for Vick's vapor rub to calm a cough
...for Mary's song
...for sports
...for good morning hugs
...for the kick of the baby inside me, reminding me, to never, ever take a second of my life for granted
...for checking "cleaning the bathrooms" off my to-do list
...for pickles
...for the hilarious sound of my son trying to sing along to his favorite song, he just can't quite keep up
...for baseball and the joy it brings to my son's face
...for home
..for the frozen morning ground that doesn't allow a dash of mud on my dog's paws, that leaves me with a few extra seconds in the morning to drink my coffee instead of cleaning off muddy paws

I am going to be thankful today instead of complaining. I am going to try and remember the good things over the bad. And I am going to keep adding to this list, every day of my life.

Giving and Getting Christmas-time

Christmas time with a three year old, Oh! what a glorious time of year! Never ending events and winter activities to take him to; Never ending exciting adventures to partake of... the time of year when D's eyes light up over every other question that comes out of peoples' mouths. "What are you asking Santa for, for Christmas? How many more days till Christmas? Where are you going today?" Every question has an exciting answer, and my son's eyes are filled with that same excitement and anticipation. It is completely contagious. So far we have been able to stay healthy enough at our house this Christmas to enjoy many adventures to see Santa and to enjoy the holiday spirit. We have been blessed with short lines and fairly wonderful Santas (very pleasantly surprised with the two Santa's we met, Santa #3, at the Zoo, not so enthusiastic but I think it could have been the elf that kept him very short with every child). Last year was not this way at all so I guess we were really blessed with terrific timing and nice Santas who really do enjoy children and want to make them smile. D's new understanding of the Christmas season, what this time of year means, special outings, gifts, special time with family and friends, special cookies and snacks, is like seeing Christmas for the first time all over again. He is just old enough to really catch the exciting energy of Christmas and it is sooo fun!

We have also tried to help a very egotistic three year old, grasp the meaning of giving this time of year. From sending Compassion gifts, to helping wrap family members' gifts, knowing it isn't going to be for him, but for someone else, we have bee trying to help him understand the joy in giving as well as getting. At times he seems to really grasp on and gets excited about giving, other times, he just wants to know what he is getting and slips into the selfish mode we all find ourselves in at some point during the holidays.

But the most amazing moments to me are when D tries to make sense of the true Christmas story. He loves to read a book at night and it is the Night Before Christmas from the animals' points of views. The donkey talks about how his "brother" donkey was the one that Mary rode on when they went to Bethlehem. And the chicken and cows recall what the baby sounded like when it cried in the manger. His eyes light up with the puppy page, the same way the book talks about the puppies attentively listening closely to the story so that they can one day tell their puppies the story of Christmas. A three year old tries to make sense of a baby in a barn, with a mommy and daddy and all of these visitors and animals coming to see him. He tries to understand how that little baby was born so long ago, in a different time, but that, that same baby is the one that helps him make good choices everyday. That same baby is the one that he prays to at night and when he needs help. He is the same baby that will one day take him to Heaven with Him (he always tries to figure out if Jesus will take him by boat, or car, or motorcycle or airplane to Heaven:) In November, D asked Jesus into his heart. It was an awesome moment. Probably the coolest moment I have ever had as a mother, but it was completely prompted by D and more importantly the Holy Spirit. At a random lunchtime meal, D asked if he could pray and ask Jesus into his heart. He asked Jesus to forgive him of all of the bad things he does and he asked Jesus to come into his heart to help him make good choices and so that one day he could go to Heaven. An awesome moment, so much greater then I, or the words I coached him along to say, but even at three and a half, D was sincere in his request, sincere in his humility, and sincere in his need for Jesus to come into his life to help him. There are still very comical discussions and the understanding D has at three and a half is very limited (such as, Jesus went down his throat, into his belly and lives in his heart and helps him:) but I believe with all I know, that D was completely sincere and Jesus answered his request and the Holy Spirit is helping him everyday. I think that Jesus is a part of his life now and he is going to be made into a new creation through the Holy Spirit as he gains understanding and knowledge.

And so this Christmas, as I wrap presents in the comfort of a quiet home, everyone asleep but me, I can't help but be grateful for the gifts that the little baby brought so many years ago. A gift that my son recieved and a gift that He keeps giving to me day after day. A continual forgiveness. As I think about the day and how many times I cussed out the awful driver in front of me, or got really annoyed with the cashier at the store, or screamed at D because he kept getting out of bed wayyyy past his bedtime, I am thankful for the constant forgiveness that the little baby Jesus grants, because I f-up a lot, every day. I lose my cool this time of year a lot because of late night wrapping sessions and awful traffic, and overfilled stores. And when I have a quiet moment to recall my awful attempts at peace on earth and goodwill toward man, I am deeply grateful for the forgiveness of that little Babe, because without Him, I would be in a sad state this time of year and every time of year. And so this time of year is about getting. Getting a gift so significant and so overwhelming, there are times I can't wrap my mind around it, but it is a gift so needed and so undeserved. And so I go to bed tonight, knowing I fall short of being a perfect mom, a perfect gift giver, a perfect fellow human, but knowing Jesus came as a baby to take away my bad choices and to help me everyday to make better choices. As I remind my three year old so say thank you and to make better choices then throwing fits, I am reminded of the bad choices I make daily and am eternally grateful for that baby that came to take my sin for me and carry it to the cross with Him. Christmas is about giving to others and enjoying the festivities and fun Santa's, and Christmas is about a baby Jesus, who gave me the sweetest gift I could ever ask for, who took from me all the bad choices I make and have made and took them to the cross with Him so that I would never have to pay the price for the wrong I do everyday. He gave me a gift that keeps giving. As He forgives, He sends the Holy Spirit, another gift, to help me make better decisions and to help me, just like D prays every night. And for that, I can be thankful that God sent His son, baby Jesus, to be the best present and the best part of the Christmas season.