blogging under the influence

ok so, just a disclaimer. i am blogging under the influence of one and a half margaritas... it has been a while since i have even had a glass of wine let along a margarita so i apologize but here it goes, i feel inspired.... so tonight was maundy thursday. we have always had a good friday service but we decide to have a maudey thursday service so my husband and i get my in-laws to watch my son and go to the service. i promise my husband dinner afterwards so we go... and at first not a big crowd, kind of intimidating, but you know what? amazing service. a really really cool service. small groups praying together. you know what i realized? god is so huge. he is so great. he is bigger then even my biggest doubts, my biggest regrets. it has been a really, really rough week. i have lost my temper with my son and husband way, way too much. my quiet time has been non existant. my thanksgiving prayer has not even crossed my mind. my repentece has been shallow to say the least. i feel like jim tressel caught in a lie; stuck, wrong and feeling frustrated and dumb... i know deep down that god has a plan for me and my family and my son... but i only want to know, what is next? what is in it for me? how will my son succeed? how will my husband achieve his dreams? i feel like god was saying to me. karra who the hell are you to question my plan? who are to say this day sucks? you know my son used the word sucks today? i felt like a failure, neglectful mom today, my son is saying sucks and my husbnd would rather snore then talk to me, the love of his wife. i cant let the dreary ohio weather, the crabby kids, the hormones get control of my emotions and how i respond. i have to respond with gods strenth and wisdom. i had a really good margarita tonight. my husband and i had a night full of prayers, laughs and great conversation. i realized tonight i am such a blessed person. i have an amazing man who knows jesus as his savior, not only do i get to spend this life with him but i get to spend eternity with him. i have a son that is healthy and strong. every day i pray that god protects him and every day i thank god i have another day with my beautiful son. discipline has to happen, life has to happen and god put us on this earth to love him first, love each other and enjoy this beautiful world he gave us... sometimes i get sooo caught up in the perfections of life. the little things. sometimes life is about enjoying a margarita and a laugh and the bed with your beloved. sometimes it's about laughing with your two-year-old and his buddies over spilled milk... sometimes it's mourning the loss of an amazing person in your life whom you will miss day after day... sometimes its about praying with your spiritual grandpa... sometimes its about playing the game to your hearts content, coaching so hard you leave the gym in tears of exhaustion... sometimes its about six sweet hours of sleep in your own bed. god gave us little pleasures on this earth. he gave us the pleasure of smiles, laughter, children, hugs, kisses, intimate relations with the love of your life, amazing food, and rainbows. he also allowed us to make choices like letting satan into our lives and causing cancer, and pain, and painful childbirth, and disease, and crippling anger. this world can be ugly, even scary. that's when it is so amazing to know that my savior, gods son lives and reigns again. he conquored death as a perfect, pure soul so that all the shit i do, all the sin, the ugly parts of my life are washed away with his perfect gifts. i could never go to church enough, never apologize enough to my son, husband, friends; to repay all of the hurt and ugliness i have caused the, thank you god, on this maundey thursday, that even though i suck and even though i fall short again and agian and again, jesus' love, blood, sacrifice is enough to help me reach salvation and have eternity with him. my god is so great so strong and so mighty. thank you god for love, for family, for a son, for a husband, for a warm bed. it may not what we planned it to be, but god guides the way. he is my god and my salvation. god is sooo good to me. i am in love every single day, i awake with the man of the dreams and the boy of my dreams. my god is so wonderdful to allow me these dreams and these earthly pleasures. thank you god for your son and his reserection over death so i may live again in the happiest place, heaven. my god is good and so great. i just pray that my own son feels that relationship and realizes its not what we accomplish on earth but how we love in humilty, every day asking forgiveness that saves us... ok im exhausted and my lovely two year old will be up in a couple of hours. but i have to tell the world, my god is soo great