Play Group or Staff Meeting?

For some reason, I have been on the sidelines looking in at playgroup lately. Most of the time it is because I am playing referee to all of the kids, but it gives me a chance to listen to the conversations of the mom's. If any of you have been a mom part of a playgroup, you will completely understand this blog. If you aren't a mom or haven't been to a playgroup, you will understand once you are part of this unique experience.

When I was a young mom, I felt very different and separated from people. I had a newborn and none of my close friends had kids of their own and most of my friends had moved away. I was surrounded by family and church family and loved them, but was looking for a group of mom's/dad's that would feel like a place where I fit in. So I went to a gym class with my son. Met some mom's and they invited me to this thing called "playdate." I think the reason they refer to them as "playdates," is because I was more nervous about my first playdate then my first real date with a boy! I wanted to make sure my son was well fed so he didn't get crabby; I wanted to look nice, but not over do it; I wanted to sound exciting, but not take over the conversation. It felt more like a job interview then a time for kids to get together to "play." Would I be accepted into this group of mom's? Would one of those mom's be my best friend? I learned to chill out after a while about play group. My first playgroup didn't even work out. I was the odd one out in the group and I didn't fit it, but it was fun for a while. I learned a good deal from those mom's even in the few group "meetings" we had together. I finally have found a "playgroup" that works for me and my son. The mom's and families in it aren't really that much alike, but we make it work. We don't always get along, and I don't always feel like I completely "fit in" but for the most part, we have fun every time we get together. Recently, I went to a new playgroup, just because my friend invited me and it was something else to do with the boys during the week. As sort of an outsider looking in, I realized that when mom's get together, it is almost like a staff meeting for a company or school. We each have our own child, with our own situations, backgrounds, and personalities. But we come together during this time to swap ideas; compare our children, brands, and newest child fad; we vent about the other parts of our lives; whine about how much we miss our lives "before kids"; brag about how much our kid knows. It is the one time a week, we get a chance to talk to other adults that are going through similar frustrations, joys, struggles, and accomplishments. We don't get to have an evaluation done by our boss, but we can have a "well done" hug from a fellow mom. It is almost like satellite branches of a company coming together to update each other on how well their part of the company is running.

During my time BD (before Dylan), I used to go to staff meetings for schools. Sometimes, it was a meeting where one person in charge stepped up and told us what we needed to do, but a lot of the times, it was time for teachers and staff to present ideas, compare classroom situations, brag about something they accomplished or one of their students accomplished, argue over the best way to do something. In many ways, playdate is like a staff meetings for mom's. We make announcements about where we are in life, "my kid just got his top front teeth, finally the constant diarrhea and drooling will stop." We compare brands "well pampers is better because it is softer and more pliable" "well Huggies has better overnight diapers." We ask advice "is John Doe in a toddler bed yet, because Nancy Drew is starting to crawl out of her crib, do I need to start that transition?" We make judgments, "well shouldn't he be eating solids by now?" And if you have a steady playgroup that meets on a regular basis, you start taking notes and then check on the progress weekly, "You said she wasn't eating veggies last week, have you started implementing them into other foods so she is getting the vitamins she needs?" Playdate is in theory supposed to be a time when kids get together to "play" which most of the time happens, but really it is for mom's to get together for their weekly staff meeting. There are times that I really get annoyed by a judgement or the constant comparing that is done when mom's get together, but I have to say that I look forward to my "weekly staff meeting." I look forward to the check-ins, updates, arguments, and presentations. It makes me feel like I am not alone in this crazy world of being a "mom."